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As the New Year begins, we look upon a blank slate to think about what we’d love to create in our lives. My mind started riffing on the 10 Commandments and for fun I’ve listed The 10 Commandments of Dating Karma, with a few similarities to the original.  Hopefully this will keep your karmic love slate clean in 2015 and onwards.  Let me know if you have any to add!

     1.  Don’t Lie

Be honest about who you are and your intentions.

     2.  Don’t Betray Your Loved One

End things if you’d like, but don’t cheat (i.e. don’t commit adultery, like the original commandment) — even if you’re exclusive and not married.

     3.  Learn from Past Dates

Everything can help you grow, even heart break or unhealthy relationships. Let those lessons make you a better date going forward.

     4.  Forgive & Forget

You can’t change the past, but you can choose not to carry it with you. If you want a clean love slate, forgive and let it go.

     5.  Don’t Talk Behind Your Date’s Back or Gossip

(This one’s loosely based on the commandment not to bear false witness). If something’s wrong, talk to your date about it and keep it in the relationship. This builds trust. There’s a Judaic term called ‘lashon hora,’ which means gossiping or saying untrue unkind things about another. The Rabbi’s caution us not to do this.

     6.  Treat Others as You’d Like to be Treated

Before you treat your dates a certain way, imagine how you’d feel should the situation be reversed. Also, Watch your Words (a la the commandment, ‘don’t take the lord’s name in vain’). We are all One so try to speak words of respect to your dates. View everyone as Divine.

     7.  Remember the Self

Take one day to reflect on yourself, your life and your relationships each week. (This comes from the commandment to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy). It’s helpful to refuel and think about your choices in the midst of dating and living.

     8.  Respect your Roots and Make Peace with your Family

Don’t let any family-baggage adversely affect your future. (The original commandment is to honor your mother and father). Within the context of dating, you can learn from your parent’s relationship and your relationship with each of them. Let that relationship blueprint help you to decide what you want to emulate or what you’d like to do differently in love and relationships. This will help you date consciously and have more choices

     9.  Don’t Date Someone Who is Taken, or the Ex of a Friend.

This is similar to the commandment, ‘Do not covet thy neighbor‘s wife.’ In the end, it’s easiest for everyone if you find someone who is physically, emotionally, ethically and legally available

     10.  Don’t Reject Yourself in the Process

It’s important to love yourself and be yourself despite rejection. The right person will love you as you are, so keep the faith and treat yourself as you’d love to be treated.

Hopefully these spiritual guidelines will help dating to be a more loving process, even if it takes a while to meet your Beshert.


Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She has a private practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching by phone. Learn more at
  1. All your advises are soooo stupid…It’s just a marketing tool to give people a fake hope…I have a feeling that you know the truth but don’t want to reveal it.

  2. one thing I’ve learned on JD …. almost all the women are liberals and look down on conservative guys …. as if they were of superior character

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