Sometimes women are just plain cruel online, right? I mean, why would a beautiful woman on JDate give you her phone number after a great conversation, agree to a phone call, and then not pick up the phone for a date?!

Has this ever happened to you? If so, don’t feel bad. This happens to more men than you would think, especially when you meet a woman through an instant messaging conversation. Still, the question remains, why would a woman give you her phone number if she’s not interested?

The truth is, these women are not cruel and yes, they were interested in you. No woman will give out her phone number if she isn’t really interested. When you meet someone in person, it’s a different story. A woman may begrudgingly give you her phone number to escape an uncomfortable situation, or because she feels bad saying no. When you’re online, however, there is no reason that requires the woman to give you her phone number.

Odds are that if she gives you her phone number and then never answers your call, it is due to one of three things.

1.     You failed to follow up fast enough.

Waiting too long before contacting a woman is a cardinal sin of dating. For many men, waiting to contact a woman makes perfect sense in their minds because they don’t want to appear desperate or too clingy. Unfortunately, there is a whole different set of rules when you meet someone online compared to in person. When you’re online, girls typically get bombarded with messages. If you wait too long, a newer and better match may step in front of you, and the date that you once had in your grasp will move on to the next best thing. Keep in mind that attention spans are shortened when you meet someone online. Think about it, if you had dozens of women emailing you each day, wouldn’t your attention shift very quickly if a woman disappeared for a day or two?

2.     You failed to connect on a comfortable level.

Comfort is critical online. Women may have enjoyed talking to you, but at the end of the day you are still a stranger. The longer you go without talking, the more she will feel less comfortable to pick up the phone when you call. The less you have talked online, the faster this comfort will disappear. Is there a good solution? Yes, send a text message the night you are going to call her (calling the next day is ideal, two days later at the most). Make a joke about a conversation seed you already established, and then say, “So I was going to give you a call tonight, you going to be around?”  Now when you call it won’t be a surprise and she will be much more prepared to talk.

3.     You pushed for her number too soon.

Pushing for a number too soon (before comfort has been established) is a big online dating mistake that many men make. Wait until you feel like you know each other well, and when the time is right, go for it! If you move too fast, too soon, you will lose a woman who was on the verge of being ready to have some fun!

Joshua Pompey is the author of three online dating books for men, and runs a profile writing service. For more information, click online dating advice or online dating tips!
  1. I’m just wondering. A guy asks a girl for her number after they’ve messaged, seemingly successfully, for a while. The girl gives the guy her number. Unless the guy has given the girl his number, how on earth is she supposed to recognize – and then ignore – his call?

    With online dating, it’s much safer for the girl to have the guy’s number and to be far more reticient with her own. And today, it’s totally acceptable for women to call men rather than sitting around waiting for men to call them.

  2. Number 1 translates so well a situation we go through all the time. It’s frustrating to wait for someone to call or drop a line, and by the time they finally do, we most likely already moved on to someone who’s more interested, more attentive and doesn’t play games. Not to mention th gact that by waiting you’re already turned off and angry with said procrastinator. No woman likes guys who are not assertive dating-wise. And yes, we get so many messages that if you’re a player, it won’t get you very far with the smart, worthy ones.

  3. There has never been a time when someone got my number online. I always will ask for theirs, call, then after I’m comfortable calling will meet them in a public place for a drink. I’ve lived and traveled alone in all sorts of places and been in situation and locals that might scare the pants off of most folks, but it’s all about me deciding about not to hurt the person’s feeling if I am not interested. So if they don’t have my number after the first date, I find a way to let them down easy then and there, and avoid breaching my privacy. Online dating has advantages and disadvantages, but it’s important to trust but verify. Following through should also be fairly immediate, avoiding wasting time on both parties.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *