Dating a new guy who actually intrigues you? Mazel tov! That’s the first step towards finding lasting love. If you want to ensure this new man stays interested, here are three things NOT to do!

1. Get Clingy

Being clingy covers a lot really. Neediness. Desperation. Loneliness. It’s ok to experience these feelings at certain times in your life, but it’s not ok to let these feelings take control. As soon as you do, your actions are going to reflect them. And there is no bigger turnoff than a stage-five clinger. After all, you wouldn’t want these qualities in the guy you’re dating, would you? Exactly. He doesn’t want it either. If you’re calling him and texting him five times a day, and you just met a week ago, you need to slow down. If you’re upset that he doesn’t spend more time with you, and you’ve only been dating a month, it’s also time to slow down. Show him that you had a life before him, and you still have a life now that he’s in it. Think about how often you see friends and remember that they know you extremely well by this point. He doesn’t and it’s going to require patience for you two to get there.

2. Expect Him to Put in All the Effort

Over and over, I hear the same thing repeated from the lips of my single friends, “HE should be putting in all the effort, NOT me.” Let’s think about this logically. You’re trying to form a relationship with a guy, and you expect him to do all of the work? What kind of one-sided relationship are you looking for? There needs to be a balance of give and take. That means you need to give your best effort too, ladies. Text him to let him know you’re thinking about him (but not too much or you’ll violate rule number one). Call him if it’s been a few days and you feel like you need that connection. Don’t wait for him all the time. You’re confident, independent and you take charge when you want something. Don’t make your love life the exception.

3. Put Unrealistic Expectations on Him

Guys are not special. They do not possess magic abilities to read your mind. They haven’t watched your favorite romantic comedy and vowed to be just like that main character you love. They aren’t your prince charming or a knight in shining armor. They aren’t going to swoop in like a super hero and save you. They are human, just like you. They have wants, needs, and fears just like you do. Most guys are pretty open about who they’ll go on dates with and are willing to give it a shot with just about any woman as long as there is a basic attraction. The point is, men often go into dates with an open mind. It’s important that you do too, because your perfect man on paper is just that – a piece of paper. You want a real man, complete with his imperfections, unexpected surprises and his adorable quirks.