The New Year is a time to start anew, reflect, forgive and atone. We all want to have a “sweet New Year,” and so what better what to get that sweet New Year than by changing old love habits that have only done us (and others) harm?
Love and romance bring us some of the sweetest moments in our lives. If we want to step into the Jewish New Year on the right foot and attract happiness, peace and renewal, we must change the things that aren’t working for us. We won’t get the love we want if we keep making the same mistakes over and over … and over.
1. Be Straightforward
This terrible love habit only leads to trouble. We drop hints like there is no tomorrow, and then get upset that our “hint” wasn’t taken seriously. Your partner is not a psychic, no matter how long he or she has been with you, and in the early stages of dating when people don’t truly know each other, hinting is a terrible dating strategy.
If you want a partner or potential love interest to understand that something is important to you, make it crystal clear. You don’t have to be pushy or hurtful, but simply state what it is that you need.
In the early stages of dating, this can be scary. We don’t want to scare anyone away. However, you don’t have to be clingy in order to be clear about your needs. If you share something that is important to you and it doesn’t jive or sit well with that person, then you are better off not forming a long-term relationship with them because most likely, that person won’t meet your needs.
2. Take Things Slowly
If you are ready to commit on the second date, you may be cutting off your possibilities too soon. One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn as a very genuine and honest person is that not everyone shows his or her cards from the get-go. Don’t be so quick to turn down other possibilities because you have decided right away that someone is “the one” too soon. You could be jumping into something that really is not worth jumping into. Take your time and go on dates while you get to know someone. This could save you from a lot of heartache.
3. Focus On What Matters
Are you absolutely positive that you know who and what you want? This is good … and bad. Having a set of criteria for a partner is a good idea, but having such tight parameters is most likely keeping you single. You may have such a narrow idea of how your partner should look, act, earn and do that you are missing out on a whole plethora of singles that could easily bring you love and happiness.
Pick a limited number of criteria that really matters to you, like values, upbringing and life direction, and throw out others that are less meaningful to you. If you still can’t narrow it down, think of it this way: which criterion will matter when you are 70 years old? Pick those and drop the rest.
4. Keep Some Secrets
Share things selectively as you get to know someone. You don’t have to let someone know your every last waking thought or deed. Let someone earn trust in you and vice versa before you decide to share intimate or important parts of yourself. Things should reveal themselves slowly over time. Don’t rush it. You can’t force intimacy.
What will you change this Rosh Hashanah? It’s right around the corner, so start thinking about how you can improve your love life with some positive changes.
You may also be interested in Would You Date According To The Rules Of The Torah?