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It’s that time again. Why repeat any rollovers? This year, set these 5 basic goals (that are a good base for other accomplishments) and take the first few steps without focusing on outcome or an ultimate win. Simply resolve to start changing in 2015! For each of the resolutions below, write out three steps you will take to achieve the goal and have a successful New Year.


1. Stop Whining

Lost and rotten relationships are last year’s mistakes. You may have erred, but you can learn from your mistakes. Or the only thing you may have learned is who to avoid. But, it’s time to stop analyzing your past. Cease all review, regret, or remorse. You have amassed enough object lessons in 2014. How terrible they were or pitiful you were is yesterday’s news. Re-injury by reliving your nightmares only gets in the way of your dreams.

It’s time to get going. Place a moratorium on blame. Make a New Year’s vow to give yourself a break from the friends and family who help keep you mired in guilt and sorrow.

But, your biggest enemy may be you. You are the ultimate captive audience – the one from whom you can neither run nor hide. So, stop collecting the gloomy views of others and, even more importantly, cease fire on all negative self-talk.


2. De-clutter

You may not be in a relationship, or dating great-mate material, but at least you are not anchored in a go nowhere relationship. So, eliminate deadwood as a New Year’s gift to yourself. No baggage is a good beginning.

If the man or woman of the moment is not someone you would marry or commit to, or who would marry or commit to you (and that is what you truly want), end the relationship now. Ask yourself “do I feel better about myself when I’m with her or him, does he or she meet my top 3 requirements for a mate, and is interest in commitment a mutual goal of ours?” If so, good. Proceed. If not, please say goodbye. Trust me, you’ll be less depressed. Dead-end situations are depressing.


3. Revise Your Schedule (And Your Life)

Look at your time commitments and plans for the year ahead. Are they to please others or yourself? Do they further finding the love of your life and/or dating someone who might be? Whose life are you leading?

Remove time gobblers that don’t seem worth it, don’t align with your priorities, or anything you dread that is unnecessary. And keep your regrets brief. A simple “I am sorry I won’t be able to keep that appointment but thank you” can keep you out of trouble. It’s OK to say “no” without offering an excuse and it keeps you out of disputes over whether your reasons are valid.

Schedule opportunities for meeting new matches at least three times a week. You need to be where a number of eligible singles might show up, or where someone who knows eligible singles will be. And spend at least three times a week – and preferably daily – online, communicating or searching. Love doesn’t drop from the living room ceiling. You must network and have visibility… or your love can’t find you.

If your New Year’s schedule looks bleak, take heart – a blank slate can be a good thing. Use the time to schedule preparation time for the future you want to have – take a class that makes you feel good, helps you to achieve a personal goal, or provides an opportunity to meet eligible dates. Write into your schedule what will make you better, fitter, more attractive, more informed, socially adept, or happier – and you’ll be a step ahead.


4. Visualize Your Glorious Future

This is your movie. So write a great script. Replace all thoughts and feelings about what you don’t have with thoughts and feelings about your life and love relationships as you want them to be. Feel how good it will feel to have life as you envision it and the love you want. Experience the joy – why wait when your positive images of the future can make you smile now?

See less of and listen less to any who have a pathetic view of you or your future. Draw closer your fans and supporters who see you as you want to be imagined: happily and successfully in love. Their energy can help when yours falters and they can also be your scouts on the look out for your future mate.


5. Take Action

Plan for having the time to be married, which means time for courting and time for dating – and probably means sacrificing something in your current agenda. Try eliminating the sitting around and sulking time, some Facebook, a little work, TV, obsessive instantaneous texting, or spurious reading. You need to schedule and protect time to date, to meet that date, and be date ready. Your mood and appearance scream either “I would like to meet you” or “don’t even think of approaching me.” And if you fall in the grey area… you are losing. Don’t leave home without your friendliest and most confidant version of yourself!

You need to dress your attitude and yourself not only for a date but to get a date. You have the double pleasure of looking and feeling good and having more draw, so go for it. Looks aren’t everything. I’ve seen many women with a sparkling personality who could make a greater beauty seem like wallpaper. But some attention to looks signifies the desire to attract – a primal basic of mating. You don’t have to knock yourself out, just don’t be scaring away potential suitors.

Planning is the key and planning should start day one of the year. One thing you know is that what you were doing last year didn’t work. This is YOUR year for change. If love is what you want and are missing, other goals and obligations stay on your radar, but love must be near the top of your agenda.

Click here for a complete list of all Dr. Janet Blair Page’s articles.
Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
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