Cue Liz Lemon of 30 Rock fame for this story. “DEAL BREAKAS!” We are talking about dating deal breakers. Those small, seemingly insignificant gestures that can make a first, second or third date go sour. And there is nothing better than personal experience to help lay the groundwork for this story. Having been in and out of the dating world, I have come to experience all kinds of dating don’ts… and it’s finally time to share some of them with you.
1. Freshen Up!
I’m the first one to say that what you wear to a first date is so important to acknowledge, but by no means am I a stickler about it. Unless your date doesn’t take time to freshen up before meeting you. In the instance of my experience, my date showed up in is oversized “construction” shirt that had his company embroidery and name at his chest pocket. His appearance was messy and disheveled, and it was very obvious that he didn’t wash his hands. His fingernails were dirty! Now, if your work requires you to get your hands dirty, not a problem (that can be attractive!), but take the time to just freshen up, change your shirt, put on a fresh pair of shoes and clean under your nails. Girls want to see that you put a little bit of effort in for them. And when you don’t? Deal Breaka!
2. Avoid Onions and Garlic
Yes, you think this could be an obvious one, but I have been on multiple dates where my date has had some form of onion breath. But I’ll throw in a double whammy, onion breath and a close talker? Oy vey! I could have fallen off my barstool. Gentlemen I urge you to avoid onions, onion bagels, garlic fries, hamburgers with the fixings, veggie omelets or anything in between for 24 hours up to your date. Your date can smell it across the table, under your mint gum and most importantly when you have your first kiss. Sorry to break the bad news. Deal Breaka!
3. Stay Positive
Being a “Debbie Downer” is another a turn off when it comes to dating. Speaking negative in general is a romance buzz kill. Yes, not everyone is happy ALL the time and it is important to be real on your date. But, if your conversation feels heavy, dry, snarky, or low energy – or even if you can’t stop complaining about work – your date will feel that pain too. A great date should leave a girl walking away excited, thrilled, smiling and some serious heart flutter. Bring bad energy? Deal Breaka.
4. Check That Check
When you ask your date to split the bill on the first date? Deal Breaker. Should I even say more about this? Yes it’s “old fashioned” in this modern world, but when it comes to dating, the girl wants you to pay. Here is a little bit of the psychology behind it all. Women want to feel secure with the man they choose. And the feeling of “security” can come in all different types of ways, gestures and expressions. But one of them is for the woman to have the sense that “you’ve got her.” By paying for the bill, she will absolutely feel that. Also, at the core, women just want to know that you like them. Paying for the bill is a small gesture… but can make a big impression.
5. Commit a Location Scouting Fail
Our final deal breaker is the kicker! This one is my favorite because I have encountered this dating “DEAL BREAKA” worthy tactic so many times over the years that it’s laughable when it happens now. That moment when you realize the location your date chose for you to meet at is strategically close to his home, in which he subtly tries to lead you over for an “after date cocktail.” Respecting your date is so important, especially when looking for something serious. This can be a quick indicator to your date that you don’t have intentions for a relationship and are just looking to have fun. But hey, if it works… here’s a bonus Deal Breaka that you should never forget: Gentlemen PLEASE clean up your home! Or at least tuck everything into a closet. There is no bigger turnoff than dirty underwear and animal stains on the floor. Deal Breaka!
What do you think? Do you agree? I’d love to hear what else is a deal breaker for you? Also, this story comes from a girl’s perspective for a guy, I would love to follow up the story with “The Top Deal Breakers Guys Have For Girls,” so share your personal stories or tips in the comments below I will follow up with a story just for you to the ladies!
Agree w your deal breakers. Some more
Guy cancels first date same day w babysitting (his own kids!) or work w minimal apology and doesnot reschedule make up date at that time. I have kids 24/7 and work too, and I keep my commitment!
Guy leaves cell phone, face up, on table during date and one or more calls or texts come in during the date, from female names (and guy has sheepish grin!)
It is unfortunate that women have become so self-absorbed. The old-fashioned norms for male and female roles in relationships cannot be sustained in a culture where women have become equals, or even surpassed men, with regard to education, earning potential, and targeted marketing. Although I agree with the absolutes of hygiene in all forms for BOTH genders, the expectations for men to be the sole source of financial means for dating need to disappear. It is just as tacky for a woman to expect a man to always pick up the tab as it is for a man to ask a woman to. Unless the woman is destitute or insecure, she should offer to split the tab, cover the tip, or pick up the tab on the next date. For a first date, the tab should be split. A man’s company is worth as much as a woman’s. Otherwise women would not bother dating men. With regard to ulterior motives assumed to be sexual conquests for men, it is time for women to ‘fess up their motives because they may be just as shallow and self-centered.
Good rule of thumb, mind your manners. If you invite a woman to have a drink or a meal then you should pay. If she invites you then she should offer to pay. Whomever offered should take care of the bill.
Second point, men and women do not speak with your mouth full of food. It is a TURNOFF!!!!
Third, be on time, everyone is late once in awhile but not every time.
Stan, if you’re interested in a woman, pick up the check on the first date. If you split it, you’ve sent her the message that you’re not interested. Trust me. This is how the world works in 2014.
I am a guy on JDate. Why is it that 90+ per cent of women on JDate have animals and treat them like they were their kids. Its disgusting. Women need to get a life and interact with humans not dumb animals especially dogs who bark, bite and poop all over. Animals are dumb and stupid. And these women expect the man they date to accept these dumb animals and maybe in the future even treat these animals like kids and walk them and clean up after them. Women need to grow up and get a life. Find a human mate and that should rectify your boring life.
I think its pretty telling that the picture of the article is a guy holding a flower and the woman acting like he doesn’t exist. Very simply, be chivalrous, but know how to draw a line between chivalrous and pathetic. That takes time and experience, and it will hurt. Trust me, I’ve been pathetic before.
Here’s a good male to female deal breaker:
1) Bringing up that you’re worried your eggs will be shriveled up too soon and you want babies as soon as possible. Seriously? If I wanted a one way ticket to crazy town, I’ll go to the train station – SHANKS!
2) If you insist on helping to pay on the first date, a great way to deal with this is to pick up the tip for the waiter. A great way to not deal with this is to dump your entire change purse on the check after he pays the bill and you have offered to pay the tip. This totally never happened to me.
3)I would think this applies to everyone – taking yourself too seriously. You know who you are, just stop, please. Remember that this is supposed to be FUN! Self-deprecation can be a HUGE turn on, if it does not go over board into clear self-hatred or negativity.
4) Insisting on knowing what your date does for his living or what his plans are for the future. Look, I understand that women have not only a right but the obligation to stop things from developing so they can avoid a potential disaster. Still, again, at the end of this all, are you really looking for some sort of business partnership or a relationship where you’ll be happy?
Much more importantly, what most of these women are missing is that if a guy is clearly smart, funny, and he is, above everything else, a strong willed good guy, he will be ruthless for supporting himself and you (and your possible future kids) if things get serious. For those guys, everything changes when a good woman will take a leap of faith, while he is still in the process of figuring it out. So much of this is instinct and a lot depends on you making intelligently (and experience driven) emotional decisions. Also, understand that a leap of faith is a leap of faith. If you are prepared to take one for this guy, see if he will take one for you first as a good barometer of whether or not he’s worthy of your time.
5) If you’re clearly not enjoying yourself and you’re just using us for free meals. You know who you are. You’re probably going to end up with a total dick any way, so there is no reason for the good guys to get mad.
To all, good luck out there!
First deal breaker for me is to have a woman come up to the restaurant and I not recognize her because her profile pictures are SO old and were posted with no dates. That immediately tells me there are other things she may not have been honest about. (for both genders: TELL THE COMPLETE TRUTH ON YOUR PROFILES (age, height, recent photos, etc.!!!!)
I wanted to respond to the comments about the guy paying. I may be older than the others commenting here (I’m 60). I’m pretty old fashioned. I do know that women for the most part (or at least some of the ones I’m dating) are very successful and many earn a lot more than my 6 figure income. I will pay for the first, and usually the second…sometimes the third date. If a woman that I know has a good solid income is just sitting around after that second date always waiting/expecting for me to pay without even offering a tip or sharing the next thing we may do for the evening then I feel I’m getting taken advantage of and it’s time to move on.
Maybe this is incorrect assumption but I see a difference between a woman saying, “would you like me to chip in something?” (which I interpret as “I should ask him as courtesy, but I don’t think I should have to and don’t want to”) and “Here’s my credit card (or here’s some cash), let me split some of this since you’ve paid the last few times we went out.” (meaning that this woman is considerate!).
If I know a woman has a lot of financial obligations and isn’t earning much money, I really don’t mind picking up the tab for the majority of the time and I look for lower cost things to do.