You’ve heard the term “emotionally unavailable” thrown around before, but what exactly does it mean? When someone fits this profile, it means they aren’t willing (or able) to fully open themselves up which, as it turns out, is pretty key to falling in love. If you’re looking for “the one,” the last thing you need to is invest months and months of your time on someone only to find out they’re really not ready for the same thing.
So how can you tell if this person is “all in” when it comes to your relationship? First and foremost, you should talk to them (duh). Ask how they’re feeling and see if you’re on the same page regarding your relationship. But if your special someone’s words and actions don’t seem to line up, you may want to keep an eye out for these signs that she or he is emotionally unavailable.
1. Fearing The Future
In new relationships, one of the things that shows an increase in your commitment level to one another is making plans for the future. It’s usually fairly simple stuff like buying tickets for a concert in a few weeks or agreeing to be a plus-one for a wedding this summer. But if these types of conversations are met with an elusive tone, you might be dealing with an emotionally unavailable lady or lad. A failure to express interest or excitement in these kinds of near-future plans shows that the relationship is going nowhere fast.
2. Papa, Can You Hear Me?
Ever feel like your date isn’t listening to you? That’s a major red flag for emotional unavailability. When someone is trying to keep their distance, they aren’t too keen on hearing about personal issues and deep thoughts. So if it feels like most of your conversations stay on the surface of things, it’s not a good sign.
3. Dropping Hints
It doesn’t always happen, but once in a while your date may send some pretty direct signals about their availability in the emotions department. Do not overlook casual phrases like “I’m not good in relationships.” This is a red flag waving brightly and boldly in your face. If you think you can be the one who changes this pattern, you’re likely setting yourself up for heartbreak.
4. The Lurking Ex
Everyone has a little baggage, but when it feels like your date is lugging an over-sized suitcase along every time you meet up, it’s time to let go. If you feel like their ex’s name comes up on the regular, take that as a sign that his or her emotions are tied up elsewhere at the moment.
5. Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
In a healthy relationship, you grow closer and closer over time. But when one person is emotionally unavailable, you might feel like you’re not getting to know that much about them. If you can’t think of anything you know about your date that couldn’t be found somewhere on a Facebook or LinkedIn profile (or their JDate profile, for that matter), you’re at a standstill and aren’t likely to go much further.
Once you’re at that threshold between casual dating and getting serious, keep a lookout for these red flags. Hopefully, your honey will be ready and willing to take a leap with you rather than keeping one foot out the door!
If you are dating, you should read one or two books that cover deal breakers such as this.