As I tell all of my dating coaching clients, sending messages out is like tossing a penny in a fountain. If your wish comes true, great! If not, you only lost a penny. But sometimes metaphors don’t help with the sting of the brush-off. If you’re feeling bad about the responses (or lack of responses) you’ve been receiving online, here are six ways to overcome online dating rejection.
1. See the Silver Lining
You’ve heard it before, but there’s a silver lining to every grey cloud. When you don’t hear back from someone who you thought could be a potential connection, they could actually be doing you a favor. Instead of spending any wasted time with the wrong one for you, this person had already shed themselves from your cloak of possibilities before you could go through bad dates, unanswered phone calls, and who knows what else! See your spurned match as doing you a solid – this way you won’t have to waste any more time with the wrong person for you.
2. Consider the Situation
The person you message online might not actually be single after all, or perhaps they just met someone and they hit it off. You don’t know what’s happening in their life, and you have to accept that you simply may not be their type. Don’t speculate, don’t hibernate, don’t even classify it as online dating rejection – especially if you haven’t met in person, just move on.
3. Get Analytical
Maybe the profile you have right now isn’t the best representation of who you are. Try swapping out photos and rewriting your profile to include more unique and lighthearted stories. You’ll be boosted to the top of the search pile just by updating your profile and you may make a new impression on someone who overlooked you before.
4. Take a Break
We all need a vacation away from work, and since you should be dating like it’s your job, maybe it’s time you took a week to regroup. If you’ve been spending all your time in front of the computer and ignoring other aspects of your life (like friends, work, and family), it may be time to take a moment to relax and focus on the abundant things in your life. So get a massage, a foot rub, some retail therapy and then go back to the computer when you’re feeling rejuvenated and positive.
5. Double Your Chances
If you’ve still got some juice left, the alternative strategy to taking a break is to double down. The average response rate is about 20-30% so if you’re only sending a handful of messages in a week, you’re not even breaking even. Increase the number of messages you send – and I’m talking to both men and women here. Just make sure the messages you’re sending aren’t all the same form letter. There’s a definitely protocol to follow, which leads me to number six…
6. Be Unique
You’re a unique person with an amazing life to share, so show it through your distinctive personality. Instead of having the subject line read: “I like camping too,” write something off the wall that is totally unexpected like: “Cupcakes” or “Neil Patrick Harris.” If the person has a sense of humor, they’ll take the time to read your note. Also, keep messages short. Three sentences tops. Here’s a great formula to help you get started:
1) Remark on something they mentioned in their profile.
2) Ask a question that cannot be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response.
3) Feature something in your profile or life that relates to something in theirs.
Online dating rejection may hurt a little less if you flip your perspective. Instead of thinking of it as being denied by someone who seemed perfect on paper, look at it as a blessing that you didn’t choose the wrong one, and stay steadfast and proactive in your quest to meet a great match.