Online dating in itself can be tough. However, what can be even tougher is landing a second date with someone you like! While first dates can feel good, it can feel terrible if we never make it to that elusive second date where we can start progressing towards a real relationship. If you’re ready to land that second date, here are seven things NOT to do on a first date:
1. Don’t Try So Hard
Many men and women make the mistake of trying way too hard to impresse the other person, or qualify themselves. This often backfires and makes the person appear nervous and insecure. Let your good qualities unfold naturally and be sure you’re not forcing anything.
2. Don’t Talk About an Ex
Talking about your ex on a first date can only backfire. Doing this reveals you may not be over your past. Save this more intimate and revealing conversation for a follow up date.
3. Don’t Lie in Your Profile
Some men and women lie about key details in their online dating profile, such as height, weight, job, etc. They think once they get their foot in the door, their dates won’t care. Big mistake! This officially sets the person up as a liar from the get-go, which will likely have the other person avoiding a second date.
4. Don’t Push Your Humorous Side
Making the other person laugh is one of the best things you can do on a first date. However, you should be sure to not try too hard. If the jokes come out naturally, perfect. But acting like you are a stand-up comedian that is trying to make a presentation is not attractive. It will come across as calculated and like you’re trying too hard to impress your date. Just be yourself. And if you have a decent personality, your fun side will come out naturally.
5. Don’t Drink Too Much
Drinking too much leads to poor decision-making, clumsiness, and bad behavior. The interactions on a first date should be genuine, not influenced by liquor. Save the partying for a future date.
6. Don’t Cross the Intimacy Boundary
Tempted to ask your date about sexual experiences? Don’t. Keep your lips sealed on anything overtly sexual, or the wrong signals will be sent. It’s okay to do some G-rated flirting, but anything more is a first date no-no.
7. Don’t Keep Your Hands to Yourself
While I am not encouraging anything that even remotely represents aggressive groping, you shouldn’t keep your hands completely to yourself either. Touch your date in small ways to let him or her know that you are interested. A touch to the arm every now and then, or something of this nature, is more than enough. Just make sure to get a little bit of physical contact going in order to stay out of the friend zone.
good morning and thank you for the tips on a first date.
but i would like to know wath to talk at first date. even i am a french canadian woman, i speak english well but i have an accent, sometimes i am shy. so could i aske the men i am with to speak my language if i know he speak french. than you for helpig those who really want to be serious in meeting people. mme francine drouin
is it wrong to have someone over your house for a first date to watch a movie? why or why not? sometimes it gives the wrong impression…? leading to sex? curious…
Max,
Where you arrange the date sets the tone for the duration. On a first date this is setting the tone for sex, which is not ideal if you are looking for a relationship.
Joshua
Dear Max,
If a man asked me to his home on a first date to watch a movie I would get super creeped out and would NOT go. Why would you think a proper lady would go to a stranger’s house on a first date! If a woman says yes to that question I would really worry if I where you!(or not if you have a black belt in karate and have eyes in the back of your head! LOL) That is just not appropriate, for so many reasons the first one being safety! You are just starting to get to know each other. You want to watch a movie on your first date, then take your new lady friend to a movie theater preferably one inside a mall so you can walk around afterwards relax, talk, get a proper meal at the food court in a public, and safe environment.
Hope this helps!
Silvia Sanchez aka Moonbeam493
@Sylvia: I’d like to know at which food court one can score a “proper meal?”
Too much assuming going on in the dating-gladiator arena. Too many rules; too much lecturing; far too much guilt and reluctancy. Why date at all with so many limiters?
I’d rather hang with my buds and our girlfriends.
Max, never ever ask someone to your house on a 1st date. I went out with a guy who asked me to his house on a 2nd date (a little later on in date) and I was definately turned off. He even proceeded to question me to death about why I was so put off by it.
-S.
Don’t you bother to read what you write. For instance “rying way too hard to impressive the other person”, who vs. that. I could go on or you could try to be more professional.
Max,Sam,Sofia,Sylvia, et al,
Too much dating. Personally? I am totally over uninundated with this type of classifying proper behaviour. What’s “good”, I wish to ask Joshua. Not examples, but definition. Meaning. Value. Good and bad are relative, sometimes reflective, and if your good is someone else’s bad. No judge who’s any good would agree with either of you and disagree with the other with regards to “good” and/or “bad”. Good and bad are good for the child rearing years, but not for adultsy talk.
G-rated flirting… that’s when you show her in real time, entre nous, flanking with her a hot, steaming frappuchino or two, that you don’t need a road-map to her G-spot? And then she rates you, and marks your score on the wall in the ladies’ room with lipstick or eyeliner (if you are lucky).
Joshua, the article was good, or even better than that, but do keep re-reading with an eye for editing your stuff… “Many men and women make the mistake of trying way too hard to impressive the other person” is the type of thing I am talking about. If text editors did not exist, fine. But they do exist, so not fine.
I can’t believe some of this. Any man that would invite a woman to his home on a first date deserves to be alone. Schmuck! In this day and age we need to help our potential mates feel and be safe. That means meeting them at a restaurant or Starbucks. Anywhere in public. If a woman is willing to meet you in your home on a first date I believe you are then “hosting”. That it is more of a business transaction than a date. Common sense and a decent Jewish upbringing should really be your guide.
If you don’t have either than perhaps “hosting” is your only alternative!
Most of these are actually right on. Remember, a date is testing the waters, seeing if there’s something there. 95% of the time you know if there’s NOT going to be a second date within the first 5 minutes.