Many singles believe in fairytales so strongly that they are waiting for a mate to come complete them so they can live ‘happily ever after.’  This means they may put their current dreams on hold until they find their life partner.  Some examples of ways their heart’s desires remain on hold can range from refusing to travel, buy a house, or even eating at a romantic restaurant. They may have a romantic notion that life (and everything) will be better with a significant other. While this may be true, you tend to attract someone based upon your current level of life satisfaction, passion and self-confidence. So, it is vital to be fulfilled and living your bliss in the present moment so you can clearly see who will match your current life, pursuits and vision.

Instead of fretting about committing to someone else, what about fully committing to yourself, first? Here are 7 reasons to “marry yourself” before you even think about tying the knot!

1. You only have yourself (for sure) for the rest of your life, so make a life-long commitment to you – you’re a sure thing!

2. Once you commit to creating a life that you love, all your other commitments become an extension of the one you’ve made to you. You will more easily see who will match those core needs, values, and life components.

3. You will become clear about your life vision and what you want – you should even consider holding a personal ceremony and writing your own vows to yourself so you can use them in the future to continue to be clear about your wants and needs.

4. After you marry yourself, you will look for a partner who will join you, not “complete you.”

5. You can commit to stand by yourself for better or worse, becoming your own best friend throughout life. This way you won’t choose a mate out of need, only out of love.

6. You’ll stop waiting around for a mate to complete your goals, like buying a house or taking a trip around the world. You’ll work towards them yourself, and then can share all you have and all you are.

7. By choosing yourself first, you’ll radiate confidence and know that you’re a great catch, instead of waiting for a partner in your life to confirm it.


To do your own ceremony:

Choose a beautiful place that you love and that feels sacred. It could be the beach, a park, a lake, pier, or a synagogue (when it’s empty). Go there at an off time of day when you’ll have privacy. Your ceremony can be whatever you’d like, but often you would create your vows ahead of time and speak them aloud or internally. Your vows can address different things you’d like to create in your life in the areas of career, finances, travel, environment, friends, family, spirituality, self-development, health etc. and your life vision.

Most importantly, you will commit to honoring yourself and loving yourself unconditionally, whether you are single or not. You will fully accept yourself and commit to only choose a mate who will do the same. 

The idea is that you can have a happy, fulfilling life right now, if you love yourself for all you are. And that, is a lifelong commitment to celebrate!


Resolve that dating and finding a mate won’t make you whole. Everything you need to be happy and fulfilled is already inside of you… and in your future mate as well. When you realize this, you and your mate can join together in celebration of what you’ve both already created in your lives and what you intend to co-create going forward.

If anyone does a ceremony to commit to yourself, let me know!

Mazel Tov!


Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and the author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She also works as a love coach and runs groups on dating and relationship issues in Manhattan. Learn more at: and
Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *