Find Love_Jewish New Year

As we enter the Jewish New Year we can take some time to reflect on the spiritual principles of Rosh Hashanah. It can also be fun to think about how these principles might improve our love lives and the partners that we are:

  1. Cherish Your Soul Mate

Rosh Hashanah symbolizes the creation of Adam and Eve, the first mates. From the beginning of time God created soul mates, or Besherts, in order to help one another and to create a holy relationship together. Whether you marry someone or not, try and treat all your dates with respect. Be helpful and kind to everyone, and eventually you’ll meet whomever God intended as your soul mate.

  1. Renew Your Connection to God & Spirit

Dating becomes easier when you have faith in the bigger picture and know that you are unconditionally loved by God. When you know that you are a good person and are part of a loving community, this helps. Also, when you date with a spiritual perspective, things shift. Singles often focus on surface-level elements like looks, venues, conversational tactics, impressing others, etcetera. But when we are spiritual, we spend more time looking within, at essence. We focus upon our heart and soul, and do the same for our dates. We are authentic and we try to find out how people love in the world – not just love us – but also their friends, family and community. We see how their Spirit expresses itself in the world at large.

  1. Take Time to Repent & Atone

As a dating coach I know that singles often carry around a lot of dating baggage. This may be from past relationships, betrayal, poor self esteem or even parental divorce. Pain and fear block us from really loving so we must learn how to release this negative energy and embrace the energy of love instead. The more we can remain present with a blank slate, the better chance we have of attracting the same energy and creating a holy relationship in the New Year.

  1. Add Sweetness to Every Situation

Everyone knows that dating can be tough with all its ups and downs, but you are the creator of all your experiences so you can choose to add sweetness to every situation, just like we add honey to the challah or apples. You can be kind to all your dates, even if you aren’t ‘into them.’ If you aren’t attracted to someone, you can still appreciate their time and the place they took you to on your date. Remember to add honey.

  1. Bless the Other & Wish Them Happiness & Success

On Rosh Hashanah we bless people and wish them a good year. This is the dating karma we should create all the time, even when a match doesn’t work out. Your energy is powerful. Bless dates that move on from you and wish them well anyway. Pray that they find someone great for them, and hopefully they will do the same for you. Send them love without attachment to any outcome.

  1. Shift from Judgment to Mercy

On Rosh Hashanah the shofar is meant to move God from the throne of judgment to mercy. Can you do the same? Dating is so full of judgment, for ourselves and all the strangers that we meet. Mother Teresa once said, ‘If you judge people, you have no time to love them.’ Begin the year with compassion for yourself and others. Realize you don’t know their struggles or experiences, nor will you fully understand their hard-won perspectives. So try and respect differences, even if you aren’t a terrific match on many levels.

  1. Unlock Your Potential & See Potential in Others

Rosh Hashanah is about recognizing and unlocking your potential. Everyone has a divine light inside and dating is a great opportunity to find this in new people. I have found even quiet or shy people blossom when they discuss something they are passionate about! Be inquisitive and try to learn what makes that other person glow. Similarly, acknowledge your own gifts and potential. You are unique and no one is the unique laboratory that you are with your specific talents, experiences and makeup… so own it!

I wish you a beautiful New Year full of Love,


Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is the award-winning author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ A relationship expert and a licensed psychologist/dating coach, she specializes in singles and couples therapy. For more than 20 years, Paulette changed the lives of thousands of clients, and shared insight with millions more through expert commentary on 77WABC radio and over 30 media outlets including MSN, USA Today, The New York Post, The New York Times, Crains, Newsweek,, More, Fox News, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Every Day Health, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, True Story, Seventeen, Elle and Complete Woman’ magazines and The Huffington Post. She lives and works in Manhattan as a psychotherapist and offers dating coaching by phone.
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