A beshert is the Jewish notion of a soul mate. Beshert means destiny or your predestined spouse. Some rabbis teach that according to the Talmud, 40 days before a male child is born, God announces whose daughter he will marry.

According to Kabbalah, God divides a soul in half, into male and female. When they finally meet in holy matrimony, their bond returns.

Some people believe you can go to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray for 40 days to attract your soul mate. I once read an article about someone who did this and got married. There are even websites like www.jerusalemtempleprayers.com that will send someone to the Wailing Wall to pray for you for 40 days, for a fee.

But do people believe in soul mates these days? According to a recent poll taken by Spark Networks, Inc., the owner and operator of JDate, 46 percent of singles believe there is one right person in the world for them, compared to 34 percent who disagreed and 20 percent who were undecided.

Recognizing Your Beshert

If you believe in soul mates, how might you recognize yours?

Here are seven common things I’ve heard people report feeling when they first meet their soul mate:

  1. Time stands still.
  2. You get a feeling like you’ve known each other before.
  3. There are many commonalities.
  4. You have similar values.
  5. There is a deep mutual acceptance.
  6. You have an ability to help each other grow.
  7. Obstacles don’t matter – you still want to be together.

In the end, finding your soul mate may feel joyous, wonderful and otherworldly, but marriage and long-term relationships are still work and a constant dose of reality. In fact, the very nature of soul mates is to help each other grow on a spiritual level, so these relationships can be even more challenging than having a regular companion.

Tips To Find Your Soul Mate

A good way to attract your soul mate is to be spiritually open and willing to grow and learn.

You need to be mature enough to know yourself on a deep level so you can recognize who will complement you – and to look beyond any external factors to the soul level of your date.

You also need to be ready to work on a relationship that will ultimately bring up challenging karmic issues for you both. Your soul mate will know you more deeply than others, and this can be both blissful and miserable at times.

Yet if you’re both willing to own your weaknesses and to work on them, this relationship can be a place to grow tremendously, both in wholeness and in love.


  1. First intelligent article I’ve read. What a pleasure to witness the writings of those genuinely interested in helping others self-evaluate with insight and intelligence for the the purposes of growing as individuals and as a couple.
    I was in a blissful relationship and had a marriage many can only dream of with a man who was more than a man, He was an anomaly!
    You’ve heard the cliche “relationships take work”… but does anybody really know what that means any more? Men write it all the time, as do women, but do they understand what it is that they are claiming to want a part of? I have a feeling that the answer is no. So…why is that?
    In my humble opinion, it takes two exceptional people to create one exceptional relationship. That’s just for starters. After that; it’s a question of knowing what you want; what you need; what you’re willing to give or do and what you are not. Communication; Sincerity; Honesty and Integrity and most of all….Respect.
    When things get rough, the easiest thing to do is to walk away; as many do. The harder thing, is to negotiate. Negotiations are a vital component to helping relationships stay on focus and on track. Relationships are organic; they aren’t stagnant and lifeless. They are the trees that bear the fruit which you will ultimately taste. And whether the fruit is bitter or sweet, will depend entirely on how it has been nurtured; fed and tended. xo

  2. I truly do believe in this predestined soulmate idea…my soulmate and I just discussed the Beshert notion yesterday…he and I have been together for 2.5 years and all “7 common feelings” still are true for us after all this time…we love so deeply and share so much and are honestly each other’s very best friends…even the way we found each other was so unique and mysterious that we are both convinced that our souls were made for each other…:) <3

  3. I’m not Jewish, but as an Evangelical Christian I certainly acknowledge the truth of the Jewish scripture, and the sincerity of Jewish traditions. this article on the ways to recognize your Beshert meant so much to me and to my wife, who passed away yesterday morning. We met in midlife and had had unsuccessful marriages. We met the criteria, commonality, willingness to grow, etc. When we first learned the concept of the Beshert we knew that we were soulmates, and we addressed each other as “My Beshert.” I acknowledge that a person can have more than one lover (hopefully not at the same time), but you can only have one Beshert in a lifetime. I miss her so much, and I will love her forever.

  4. Thank you all for your messages. I wrote this article a few years ago and today I got Bill’s message. It’s nice to know people are still reading it. Bill, I am so sorry about your loss of such a great spiritual love. You were both priveledged to have experienced it. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  5. I am currently with a man who I do believe is my Beshert. I love him so very much, and in a few months it will mark 3 years since we began dating, though we weren’t together the entire time because our relationship had spiralled downhill and had separated, but we got back together and are the best of friends. He the first person I’ve ever had a relationship with, and I wish to be my last. Here’s the problem tho, he doesn’t have any relationship with God. I’m going to try to lead him to God, because i know it will never work out if God is not our shared foundation. Please, if you will, pray for his salvation.

  6. I am with mine! He instantly melted my cold cynical heart. I never bought into soul mates before. But now I know the truth. I prayed for him and G-d delivered!

  7. so do Jews believe in Karma? I see you comment on “challenging karmic issues” but I love, follow and serve the L-rd and He does not emobdy karma. So how do you reconcile this belief system.

  8. I never assumed you believe in Karma in the classic Vedic sense. I just thought you were referring to a give and take attitude about behavior.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *