Spring is here and a client recommended a decluttering book, The Japanese Art of Tidying Up, that I decided to read.  It talks about asking whether the items in your life bring you joy, and if not, giving them away and creating space in your life and home.  This process inspired me, and as a dating expert I considered how singles could spring clean their love life as well.  What follows are 7 ways to begin:

1.  Organize Your Closet to Feel Your Best

Go through all the clothes you’ve been keeping for when you lose weight or things that no longer suit you; only keep things that make you feel terrific! After doing this, you’ll be able to find the items you love more easily, and can take better care of those things. You can grab something effortlessly when you have a date and head out feeling your best, which can make you feel confident and attractive.

2.  Organize Your House

Although your date will probably take you out for quite a while before seeing your place, there is the saying, ‘If you build it, he will come.’ But you should create a place that you love for yourself first. It doesn’t have to be showy or expensive, but surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy will help you create peace. Decluttering your space will help you to feel organized and relaxed. This way, when a date comes by, you will feel comfortable entertaining, and proud that your space is reflective of you. It will also be easier to be romantic and to focus on each other rather than to be distracted by chaos.

3.  Eliminate Old Betrayals & Losses

Sometimes old relationship baggage drags us down and makes us afraid to trust again. Spring is a time of new beginnings and love, a time to forgive and start over. Decide to free yourself of old loves and to stop yourself from replaying negative memories so you can begin again and focus on the new person right before you.

4.  Put Your Priorities in Order, Create Space for Them in Your Life

If finding a relationship is important to you, but you’ve been a workaholic, resolve to set aside a certain amount of time each week to date, meet people or write people on JDate. Whatever you want to create takes effort, energy and time so make sure your values and desires are being reflected in your actual actions and life.

5.  Do More Things that Bring You Joy

It’s great to meet people while following your bliss so take a dance class, go to Paint Nite, or join a book club. You will also be more interesting to your dates when you’re describing doing the things you love.

6.  Get Better at Discerning Where & With Whom to Invest Your Energy

During the process of decluttering you only pay attention to keeping the things that bring you joy, which can help you to recognize you don’t need to spend energy on the rest. Dating is also a discernment process. No one is perfect and I always say to give people a chance, but by the second date you can often tell if this is someone you don’t want to invest more energy in getting to know. Be willing to be honest with yourself — and them — and move on. Holding on to people who don’t quite fit prevents you from finding your best match.

7.  Agree to Only Put Positive Energy Into Your Self & Self-Talk

Spring cleaning is about chucking negativity and putting joy into the things you want to own. Begin feeding yourself positive messages and increase your self-worth, happiness and self-esteem by owning who you really are. You are the only one who can do this, and it will definitely impact how you show up on your dates.

When you begin to remove clutter and lower energies it’s easier to focus, sparkle and be your true best self.  You will focus on what you love and will be more likely to attract the same.  Doing this will bring you joy that hopefully you can soon share with your Beshert!

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, dating coach and author of the upcoming, “The Book of Sacred Baths,” published by Llewellyn, “Dating from the Inside Out,” published by Atria Books and others.  She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show, Pathways and others. Dr. Sherman was quoted on, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, New York Magazine, Web MD, Everyday Health, Complete Woman magazines, the Huffington Post and the NY Times.  She has a psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching by phone.  Learn more at
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