Sometimes, we push really great people away without even realizing it. You may think you’re helping yourself, or even helping your match, but they don’t see it that way. To help you learn to open yourself up to love, here are 7 ways we unknowingly push people away.

1. Wanting Someone to Change

Many people think they can change their mate. It’s a known fact, however, that people don’t change. If you begin a relationship with someone and think you can change them into the perfect mate, you’re mistaken. Trying to change someone only pushes them farther away.

2. Criticizing

No one likes to be criticized. Not only does it undermine your match, but it also makes them feel badly about themselves.  Both men and women like to feel wanted and needed. We all enjoy hearing positive reinforcement. Criticizing your mate does exactly the opposite.

3. Having Sex Too Soon

Part of dating is about the thrill of the chase. If you put sex on the table, most men (and a whole lot of women) will eagerly accept. But, when you sleep with your date too soon, you’re eliminating the appeal! It’s anti-climactic and you wind up pushing that person away without even realizing it.

4. Talking Too Much

The phrase “beating a dead horse” applies here. When you’re constantly talking about your issues over and over again, you’re likely to send your date running. Tell your match what bothers you and figure out a way to solve it ASAP. There’s no need to talk about it to death.

5. Suffocating Your Match

No one likes neediness. Being a “stage 5 clinger” isn’t the way to someone’s heart. Men appreciate a woman who can be independent. And women are turned on by men who are passionate about their work or hobbies. Being clingy will send your date heading in the other direction.

6. Being A Drama Queen/King

Your “dream woman” or “dream man” is hopefully allergic to drama. Sure, you want to have vibrant, passionate conversations, but a date doesn’t have to be drama-filled to be intriguing. Save the dramatic conversations for dinner with your girlfriends, or a night out with the boys.

7. Being Paranoid

Confidence is sexy. Insecurity isn’t. If you start acting paranoid and picking fights, your mate isn’t going to be pleased. If you go looking for a problem, you’ll most likely find one. Going through your match’s phone, texts, and social media is a sure way to push them away! If you don’t trust each other, what’s the point in dating?

We are all simple creatures at heart. Who doesn’t want to feel loved and adored; doesn’t it feel great when someone special thinks you’re special too? Remember the reason why you fell for your mate and let that feeling bring out the best in both of you!

Carly Spindel is the Vice President of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. She has seen the matchmaking business firsthand since she was 6 years old. As the daughter of Janis Spindel, Carly has been called mini Janis since she could walk and has learned the inside tricks of the trade from Janis! Carly has been matching her own clients for the past 4 years, and runs Janis’ Express Matchmaking and Junior Matchmaking divisions. You can learn more about Carly and Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. at
One Comment
  1. I don’t agree with this stamment, because a relationship is everything, good and bad, no one is perfect, and we can no please everybody with everything(we are not a child).Men and women need to grow up, is something good, aplausse if something not, work on it, accept or help each other, but to please and show a smile all the time or agree with everything and treat good all the time, and have “good news” everyday is childless, even to the child we need to teach them the life is not always”good”. Everybody have drama, one way or other, we are human no robots. I’m a pastor for 20 years, I ministry a lot people, and because this kind the stament to be so perfect and expect perfection, destroy marriege because sensible people expect to find outside the marriege “that perfect one” without drama.

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