Most of you probably know the story of Hanukkah, but here’s a quick version: During the time of the 2nd Temple, the Holy Land was ruled by cruel Greeks. A Jew named Mattityahu and his sons fought them and won. Afterwards, the Maccabees found one jar with enough oil for just one day, and yet that oil burned for eight days! This was a miracle!

So, what can this story about those eight miraculous nights teach us about dating? Plenty! Here are eight lessons we can apply to dating:

1. When Things Seem Tough, Keep the Faith

Dating can feel challenging at times. It’s tempting to give up or take a break. Remember, it only takes one great date!

2. Hold Off Before Cutting a Prospect Loose After Just One Date

On an ego level in the physical world, we have many requirements and judgments. On a spiritual level, however, we’re willing to be surprised by the good. Sometimes it takes time to see the miracle of who a date really is, so be willing to wait a bit (unless there are red flags).

3. Be a Fighter: Never Give Up On Yourself

You may feel you’ve been through a battleground with dating, and you may even think about taking yourself off the market. Don’t. You’re a miracle to that special someone and, more importantly, remember your own worth. You may experience some rejection by others, but that doesn’t mean you should reject yourself!

4. Creatively Make the Most of What You ‘Do’ Have

When the Maccabees found oil for one night, they decided to make the most of it. Too often I see singles comparing themselves to others, thinking: “Why don’t I have a better job?” or “Why aren’t I taller?” Choose to embrace all that you are now and remember that it is more than enough or G-d wouldn’t have made you that way. You are a gift.

5. Look for the Light in Everyone & Everything

In dating, we can be judgmental. We don’t want to settle, but even if we aren’t a match with a date, we can be kind. It makes dating more enjoyable for everyone when we look for the light in our dates and in the situation. Good things happen when we do this.

6. Believe in Miracles, Not Scarcity

When your environment is full of strife and scarcity, it’s easy to think that portends a bad ending. But, like the Maccabees, remember that it’s not over till it’s over. Look within instead of without, to source your love. Do what you need to do to move forward in dating. It’s most important to stay in the vibration of love and faith, not fear.

7. Remember You Aren’t Alone

The Maccabees were helped by G-d to achieve their goals. Dating can feel lonely when it isn’t going well. But remember that you are unconditionally loved by Source and are never alone.

8. Be Proud of Who You Are

The Maccabees chose to fight to defend their Jewish people. Many dating experts advise playing games to attract a mate, but the moral here is to be yourself and to always be proud of who you are. The right mate will stick around and will join you.

I wish you love this Hanukkah and always,


Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and the author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She also works as a love coach and runs groups on dating and relationship issues in Manhattan. Learn more at: and