After being a bachelor for many years and counseling my friends about dating, I decided to write a book to help other men navigate the dating scene. In my book, The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over 20 Years, I devote a section to internet dating where I explain why JDate is a great place to meet your future spouse.
I always had an active social life. I was meeting new women all the time, however, I just wasn’t meeting the right women. After dozens of fruitless dates and several blind dates, I decided to join a couple of Internet dating sites. It was through JDate that I finally met my fiancée and we are planning a January wedding in Boca Raton, Florida.
In my light-hearted handbook, I give guys practical advice on how to be a successful JDater®. Here I offer some advice to people using internet dating sites:
- Make sure you download current photos of yourself when you put your profile together. It is also a good idea to have at least two photos; one photo showing a close-up of your face (without sunglasses) and one that shows your full body (and not from a distance). People don’t want to see your high school graduation photo.
- Make sure you fully complete all of your essays and be thorough. Members want to know a lot about you before they contact you or respond to your introductory emails.
- Check your essays several times to make sure there are no typos and that your sentences are grammatically correct. Nobody wants to read through incoherent essays. It makes you look as if you haven’t finished sixth grade.
- When you are reading through profiles, make sure you don’t contact somebody solely because you like their photos. Read their essays entirely. Make sure the two of you are looking for similar things and are appropriate matches for each other.
- Be original when you contact somebody. Don’t ever write “I liked your photos, you are so hot!” That is a very bad introduction and a girl will be offended. Think before you write and always write something in your introductory email that shows the other person that you read their profile.
- You should always respect people’s preferences. When somebody says they want to date somebody between the ages of 25-35, they don’t want emails from 50 year-old men with combovers!
- Don’t ever lie. You will be caught every time.
- Finally, don’t ever harass somebody if they don’t respond to you or even reject you. Not everybody will want to meet you. Get over it!
If you follow the above advice you will have a very enjoyable JDating experience and you may just meet your soul mate like I did!
I have been on jdate for over a year. I haven’t had any dates and don’t get response from the women I contact. How can I change this. I’m 40 and would love to be in a serious relationship. I have dated but it never seem to work out. Please give me advice so that I can enjoy the date world.
It would be nice to see the responses to these comments. Is that possible.
Hi Brad this is Mina Kuper I hope you remember me. Anyway would like to speak with you about something I feel you would be interested in. you have my email above.
I suggest you have a couple of your girl friends take a look at your profile. Make sure you have a few nice photos up there and that your profile essays are strong. If your photos aren’t current, put some updated ones up there. This way your profile will get some fresh looks. I have an article that will be on JMag by Friday that will address some of these issues.
I will now be writing a monthly article on JDate and will answer all comments.
Thanks, Brad Berkowitz
Hi Brad. How about introducing me to a nice Jewish guy. Been on and off since 2003. It gets a little old…
Thank you for your advice. I’ve been on JDate over one year and found that many guys, however well meaning, list their age as younger than they really are, don’t write very much or write “tell you more when we talk,” and often just contact me because of my pictures not because we are appropriate for each other. One more thought for you – would you PLEASE address the issue of ageism in a future column? My experience thus far is that men around my age (late 30’s) have little interest in women over 35, and often list an even younger age range (like 22to 32)in their preferences. It gets increasingly frustrating trying to find someone when, by respecting their stated age preferences, there is no one left under 50 to go for!
I broke up a month ago with someone I met offline.
I would like a long term relationship so I resumed JDating.
I had a recent correspondence with a woman on JDate and she just changed her pictures. I know, it was my mistake to write to her as if she looked at my profile for the first time, but I was totally disoriented because she changed all of her pictures. I know, after reading your guide to JDating, that I should read the profile before e mailing her. Now my concern is that particular woman may report a concern about me because she thinks I harass girls on the internet. If she reports a concern about me, how will I know? It is obvious she doesn’t want to meet me because she realizes I write to many women and doesn’t recognize her at first sight. I understand. If women on JDate learn to know me, they will realize that I am totally harmless and that I do not harass, never.
My advice to make JDate better is the following: remind me at each profile I look that I have already emailed that woman. If I was reminded, I would not have made that mistake and I would have left that woman alone.
Hi Ben – I am a Jdate user and very much appreciate you giving men this advice! My dating experiences will be far more pleasant if the men I meet utilize your experience! I especially appreciate that you suggest a man proof-read his email before sending it; thus said, you have 5 pronoun errors in your article. :} Are you looking for an editor?
Anne (the professional editor)
HAHA! Professional editor perhaps, but also a tired one. Sorry Brad.
CES, I think you are creating more of the problem then the ageist thing. I am 35 and I get emails ALL the time, I honestly don’t find that a problem on THIS site at all!! I think men even if they say an age catagory will even look beyond that and make allowences, I have looked at their age preference on their profile and at times i may be a year off and they will still contact me.I understand the 50 year old men problem not being welcome but,i have seen some VERY hot 50 year olds that even I would date. I love this site because there are so many available single men in their 30’s and 40’s. Maybe the issue for you is that you are interested in men that are too young, for you. If you are 30 maybe your look attracts 35or 40. Try different pictures a different look. Plus…. I think women lie about their age too!
I wish you a life of happiness.
I however, would not call you a success story, unless you are saying that looking for 20 years is what someone would want to have to do.
People tend to be habitual. Single people tend to do things that keep them single. Players are not called players because they don’t repeat their actions.
Many people who marry, will marry again.
Check the statistics.