Have you been dating a lot and meeting a lot of great prospects, and then yet you find that you’re still not in a relationship? Has it ever occurred to you that you may be the one getting in your own way? Many people are scared to put their heart on the line, so they sabotage relationships before they gain any traction. If you make excuses all the time, whether about the other person or about yourself, then perhaps you fall into this camp. Do any of these excuses sound familiar?

  • “His voice was high pitched.”
  • “Only her father was Jewish.”
  • “I have too much going on.”
  • “She has never seen ‘Star Wars.’”
  • “He was under six feet tall.”
  • “I need to lose weight first.”
  • “She was two years older than me.”
  • “It took him eight years to graduate from a third-tier college.”
  • “I enjoy being single.”

If you’ve caught yourself uttering something like this, it’s time to rethink the way you date. Here are five dating excuses to avoid as you go forward.

1. Saying You Don’t Have Time Because Of Work

Do you use “work” as an excuse to avoid going on dates? This is probably the most common dating excuse. Many people have used it as a reason to not join your friends at the recent singles mixer at the local synagogue or to get out of a date they weren’t too sure about.

2. Being Too Independent

Have you been single for so long that you are stuck in your ways and not willing to be flexible about anything anymore? Does your life revolve around your routine and anyone who doesn’t want to follow it be damned? And if they do choose to immerse themselves in your world, do you suddenly see them as pathetic and lacking their own identity? Your staunch independence could be part of what’s holding your love life back.

3. Having A Checklist That’s Too Long

Is your checklist so long that absolutely no one could meet all of your criteria? Have you made it so that you can reject everyone based on minute details? Are you unwilling to compromise on any items? I hate to break it to you, but it’s unlikely that you’ll meet everything on someone else’s list, either. Compromise isn’t always a bad thing.

4. Thinking You’re Too Good For An Online Dating Account

Do you have a free JDate account and peruse prospects but think that you’re too good to pay for a membership? ‘Nuff said.

5. Believing In Stereotypes

Do you not give prospects a chance because they fall into a stereotypical category? Too short, too religious, not educated enough … the list goes on. Give someone different a chance; you might be pleasantly surprised.

All of these are just silly excuses! If you don’t have a date this weekend or you’re not in a relationship, then you may have no one to blame but yourself. Stop sabotaging your own love life. It will never be a good time unless you make the time, and no one is going to be your perfect man or woman unless you give them the chance to show you who they are. You have to be open – you wouldn’t want someone to overlook you for the same reasons.

  1. Great article, Tamar, and right on the money.

    First, lest anyone think I’m perfect, I readily admit to succumbing to one of these issues: Not wanting to date someone older than me. Of course, I’ve seen a fair share of women online who do the same.

    Of all the listed issues, I believe #2, Being Too Independent, may be the most significant and difficult obstacle to get over. And this applies equally to men and women.

    In my opinion there is another significant, yet overlooked issue: dogs. Yes, dogs. Having seen so many women’s profiles featuring their dog or dogs prominently displayed in their profile photos in tender love embrace, as well as such typical statements as, “Must love dogs!” or “Love me and you have to love my dog.”, it seems to me that there are quite a number of women who look to their dogs to fill their need for love, rather than bear lonesomeness long enough to impel them to seek out love from a human, from where it should rightly come. There is nothing attractive to me about seeing a woman’s main profile photo with her displaying her love puppy in front of herself. I’m looking for a woman, not a dog.

  2. I agree with you Jim D., for some it’s dogs and for others it’s grandchildren 🙂 I’m leery about men who post photos from their high school years along with photos of their boat, truck, convertible and Winnebago. Then there are group photos from god-knows-when and who is who? Photos from 2010? Why? Are my expectations too high to want a recent photo so that the person is recognizable if we decide to meet in person?

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