The road to love is paved with good intentions but littered with missteps and misunderstandings. From unreturned calls to flirts we never followed up, dating—online and in real life—is a battlefield, and sometimes we are the enemy.

As the High Holidays approach it’s a great time to wipe the slate clean and establish healthy relationship karma. Empty your pockets of ill feelings. Clear the air with someone you left wondering or led on. Send a nice note to that guy who was great but not great for you.

It’s tough to swallow your pride or gather the courage and honesty to let someone down, but a little wine in your glass makes everything easier – whether you’re dishing it out or taking it.

I’ve amassed a list of common dating sins based on my own experience as both a victim and a perpetrator and paired them with some of my favorite kosher wines for wrapping it up, righting the wrongs, and starting fresh in 5773.  L’Chaim!

The Disappearing Act Level I:

Now you see him (or her), now you don’t.  First you exchanged a wink or two, followed by a pleasant email exchange. You both agreed to get offline and meet up for dinner or drinks. You exchange numbers and even have a chat and like the sound of each others’ voices (or so it seems). You set a date and one or both of you mark your calendars. As the day approaches you wait for details. When? Where? What time?

And nothing. This happens all across the gender board, but nation-wide polls indicate that women prefer a man with a plan. It may not seem fair, but we ladies will wait for you to call and confirm. When you don’t, it’s easy to assume the worst.  Did you forget?  Did you lose interest?  Pride aside, we’ll wonder until the end of the day if you might just come through.

The Disappearing Act Level II:

This occurs after the initial meeting. You eat, you drink, you…..

A good time is had by all. In the days subsequent, somebody follows up and somebody doesn’t. A level II disappearance is generally considered terrible etiquette, especially if things ended in the bedroom. Didn’t I at least deserve a phone call? An email? Something?

Then again, a handful of boys I spoke with would rather be ignored than let down in person or otherwise. Hmmm.

Have you gone dark on anyone this year?  Has someone left you in the dark? If so, crack open a bottle of something white, light and fleeting and get out your pen (read: compose a delicate apology text message or email). Tishbi Sauvignon Blanc is a crisp Kosher wine from Israel that satisfies in the moment and absolutely doesn’t linger. Baron Herzog Chenin Blanc 2009 is another light-bodied white that pleases in the moment.

The String Along

This may be the most universally committed dating crime. We do our best to justify it: I’m so busy. I got distracted. That email slid right by me…  But whatever your story, you’ve most likely left someone hanging for a while and swooped in days, weeks, or even months later when they were least expecting it, only to catch them off guard.  To some cold-hearted snakes the string-along is an actual strategy. You keep the hope alive, keep the embers burning. Others of us are simply thin-spreaders. We break off more than we can chew. It’s not intentional by any means, but not everyone is as busy. It’s impossible to gauge someone else’s emotional investment in the beginning, and now that digital communication has turned etiquette on its head, it’s easy to offend unintentionally.

That said, take stock of your actions this past year.  We’ve all been used at some point, and probably taken advantage of someone else’s enthusiasm or affection.  Fess up and let them know you’re sorry. Or at the very least make a clean considerate break.

This calls for a complex and long-lasting wine that keeps your attention.  Try big, bold red blends like La Gramière” VdT, Domaine de la Gramière – 2008, a searing Côtes du Rhône blend of Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvèdre with dark and juicy fruit notes and a peppery finish. Capcanes “Peraj petita” Montsant – 2008 is a meaty mix of Garnacha, Cariñena and Tempranillo grapes with fascinating earthy leathery notes.

The Merciless Flirt

This sin requires little explanation. Are you a serial flirt? A little playfulness is appreciated, but at some point someone is going to call you out on those winks and smiles. Are you ready to take the next step?

All sparkle and no substance. A charming prelude that leaves little in its wake, Bartenura Prosecco is light and lively.  For the genuinely shy flirt Hagafen Cuvee de Noirs Sparkling Wine is a Champagne-style sparkling from California with a little more backbone. Grow some this year!

Annie Shapero is the Founder/CEO of DiVino wine events planning and wine consulting, currently operating in New York City.
One Comment
  1. Few guys have even made any contact with me on JDate.

    I have written various gentlemen with emails & cards. Usually giving them a compliment and receiving either no response or Thank You!

    I have been out with one guy and he wasn’t my type.

    I know my age group (50’s) has ALOT of baggage but I haven’t been a dating guru in any available age bracket. I am a believer that no date is better than most of the experiences my friends have gone through so in that I can take solace!

    That’s my experience. Do I get to at least experience a
    “Atone for Your Sins” bottle of wine anyhow? I ususally drink White Zinvadel. What do you suggest?

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