Dear Tamar,

I’ve always had a difficult time accepting compliments but obviously I’m put in the position to hear them on first dates (not trying to be egotistical, people just tend to offer a lot of flattery when they first meet). So I guess what I’m asking for are a few pointers of how to say thank you while making it sound genuine without sounding like I expect the compliment either.

—Attention Non-Seeker 


Dear Attention Non-Seeker,

You’re right, flattery is part of the dating game. Obviously we go on dates with people we find attractive and want to let those people know so. Replying is tricky, you’re correct there as well. Here are a few responses to have in your arsenal:

  • “Thank you, that’s very sweet, I appreciate it.”
  • “Awww, really, you think so? Thank you!”
  • “Thanks, no one ever compliments me on that, how kind/cool/sweet of you to notice.”
  • “Thank you! You know, I was just noticing how amazing your eyes/smile/skin is!”

But it’s not just the words, you have to match it with your tone and facial expression. Work on making sure your voice sounds genuine when you say it by smiling – but don’t fake smile; a real smile means your eyes will smile too (“smize” if you will, a la Tyra Banks) and that will help support the authenticity of your reception of the compliment.


For solutions to any dating dilemma, submit your questions to Dear Tamar online.


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