Whether it’s a breakup, a divorce or a death, many singles are returning to the world of dating after a long absence and have no idea how to navigate their way back in. If you’ve been in a relationship since before the turn of the century, that means you never participated in online dating, not to mention using your phone to swipe left or right on a prospect. So where do you begin?
1. Move Past The Pain
It’s totally normal to feel pain after a long relationship ends, no matter what the cause. But in order to start a new relationship, you’ll need to move past that pain. If you’re still thinking vengeful thoughts about your ex or are unable to even say the name of your former spouse without crying, you’re not ready yet – and that’s okay. Everyone needs their own time to mourn a relationship, some longer than others, and there will likely be a false start or two when you think you’re ready but aren’t. Take your time, and if you feel like you’re really struggling to move on, seek help from a counselor. You’ll get there, I promise!
2. Make A Private Profile First
Start with creating a JDate profile. I suggest keeping it private and hidden until you are done crafting it, because you will find yourself editing it often when you’re first getting started. Add your photos, create your screen name, write and re-write your About Me and other paragraphs, and then have trusted confidantes review it for you to make sure it sounds like you. Meanwhile, play around with your search preferences and see who is out there. Once you feel confident about your profile, you can make it public on the site, but feel free to take your time getting there.
3. Brush Up On Your Flirting Skills
Before you start instant messaging and emailing JDate prospects, look into your community to find out when Jewish singles groups are meeting for a schmoozer. Take one or two friends who are also single and go to said event. This is where you are going to practice flirting again. It may sound obvious, but many newly single people don’t know how to recognize the cues that someone is or isn’t interested. Picking up on these cues is vital both for virtual and in-person dating, so it’s better to start shaking the rust off before you begin going on one-on-one dates.
4. Spread The Word
Finally, spread the word that you are ready to be set up to your family and friends, your Rabbi and anyone else who may know other single Jews. After a breakup, divorce or death, people may not know when it is appropriate to ask you when you’re in the emotional and mental state to begin dating again, so make sure you let them know. Your loved ones will want to help, but won’t know when it’s the right time to offer.
Enjoy this time of being single again. It may not have been what you expected, but it also means that you have so many new and exciting experiences to look forward to.
You may also be interested in 30 Is The New 20: Don’t Worry If You Haven’t Found The One