When people hear the news of a divorce, the reactions are typically a combination of sadness, anger and stress. This type of news isn’t viewed as joyful like the birth of a baby, college graduation or impending nuptials. However, as difficult as divorce can be, it can also end up being a mitzvah. Divorce can be stressful and heartbreaking, but when it is done and you have healed, it is indeed often a blessing. And when I say mitzvah, I don’t mean in the terms “commandment” but rather as a good deed or kind act.
In some ways, that may sound bizarre to you. How could severing ties with a person you promised to love forever be a good deed or kind act?
Accepting Our Mistakes
As people, we make human mistakes. It’s not unusual for us to pick the wrong partner, only to end up alone and without them. If G-d wanted us to be with this person and if the match was a strong one, the marriage would not end. Good marriages endure, bad marriages do not. If something ends, let it go. In letting go, we are often doing a good deed or kind act to ourselves, to the other person and, most likely, to both people.
It takes a lot of guts and strength to keep a marriage together, but it takes even more strength to let go of something that is not working. Letting someone walk away to find his or her true happiness that does not include you is brave. It’s kind. And it’s usually the right thing to do! To offer someone and yourself the chance of happiness is a mitzvah.
It is not uncommon to hear people saying they are relieved when they separate from a former spouse or finalize a divorce. Trying to make something work that is broken is exhausting. By admitting defeat, you are no less of a man or woman, but a stronger one! And further still, saying goodbye and good luck is cathartic and hopefully brings you two to the place in life where you were meant to be. That is a mitzvah!
Had you two stayed together unhappily, you would both be bound to misery. How is that a positive thing? Even if you didn’t want the divorce and the other person did, what would life have been like for you had you lived until your old years with someone who doesn’t love you? Not very well, I imagine.
Learning From Love
It may have been a bad relationship, but you still loved and learned. What life lessons can you gather from this experience? What did you learn about yourself? In the struggle, stress and grief of divorce, I imagine that, like me, you became a better and stronger person. That is a blessing.
When you let go of someone that is not right for you, you both have the chance to change the direction in order to get to where you need to go in many ways. Having the opportunity to start over again is a blessing and offering the chance to someone is a real act of love and kindness.
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