Dear Gems from Jen,

I was chatting with a guy online for at least a couple of hours the other night, and we decided to meet up the next night. The next evening we spoke about where we were going to meet. After his shower he called back only to say he had to cancel due to a family dinner. I said that was fine, things like this happen. I was just slightly disappointed, but definitely wanted to see him another time. He called back three minutes later and said he could get out of the dinner if I still wanted to go out, I felt bad and guilty at that point so I said not to worry about it. Then I get this long text explaining the situation, which I already understood. The next morning I found I had been de-friended by him on Facebook. Why go through all of the effort? Did my not wanting to go out after he said he could cancel, deter him? I mean he had to have known I was going to be upset that he was canceling, right? I’m confused. Did I give off the wrong vibe after the cancellation? Should I call or text him to see what was up? Could he just not be interested, even after all of the effort?

Dear Cancelled Date,

It sounds to me as if he is confused, not you. He made a date with you, cancelled the date, tried to get the date going again, texted you to further explain his situation, and then de-friended you on Facebook. I believe you were reasonable, especially after he cancelled the date, only to reschedule it three minutes later.  I’m not sure why you would even question if he was interested. It sounds as if you need to become disinterested in this guy. He would in all probability make you nuts. Can you imagine what it would be like a few months down the line if he treated you in this manner before your first date? My suggestion would be to not have any further contact with him, don’t call him, text, write, friend request, etc.  There are so many great guys on JDate waiting for someone like you; understanding and patient. Make time for these guys and forget about the ones that keep you on the roller coaster!

Gems from Jen