Dear Gems from Jen,

Online dating is so much different from the real world. In real life, when I meet someone we know each other and the relationship, whether it’s casual or serious, is stable.

With online dating, when a date goes poorly, it just wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes though, the relationship develops rapidly and the girl will completely offer herself in every way imaginable and call non-stop. Then, suddenly, a few days after the climax of this infatuation (which for the record, I don’t initiate as I’m one to work slowly), the girl suddenly ends it on a dime with little explanation.

I know women change their minds a lot, but is there anything I can do to curb this from happening? Or is there a way to be able to get an initial sense of which girls are emotionally unstable before I become emotionally invested?

Dear Change Of Heart,

The real world is just that, real. Meeting people online can feel real, but it isn’t real until two people actually meet.  I can’t speak for all women, but my best guess is the ones that you have met that seem to fall hard and fast are looking for someone to live up to a fantasy.  This, by the way, is impossible for anyone to do.

Going slow is the best course of action and if that is what tends to come naturally to you, then you need to make sure that you are setting firm boundaries for yourself in these relationships. Once you sense a girl is becoming infatuated too quickly, put on the brakes.  Let her know you will only move slowly. If she persists, tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not enter into something quickly. If she doesn’t get the hint then you will know very early on this girl was not meant for you.

Gems from Jen