We hear “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” being used whenever people try to explain ridiculous lapses in communication between a couple. The groundbreaking book by John Gray, PhD was first published in 1992, and the theory still holds true to this day. In fact, there’s even scientific research to back it up.
Women’s and men’s brains are simply wired differently. In fact, our brains are not identical: men’s brains are slightly larger (which DOES NOT mean they are smarter!); women have more gray matter in the hippocampus, which effects memory, and in the left side of the brain, which effects communication. According to a Tel Aviv University study in 2015, women’s brains tend to wire horizontally (back and forth between the left and right sides, which brings together logical thinking and intuition), where as men’s brains have more wiring going front to back which aids in perception.
Know Your Audience
Based on the scientific research, it’s clear that men and women, for the most part, are biologically wired to process things differently. Women may assume men know what they are thinking and feeling at any given time. Men will often wonder why a woman didn’t just say whatever she was thinking or feeling and make things less complicated.
Neither instinct is wrong, but you have to know your audience. It should only take a few misunderstandings to know how your mate prefers to communicate. Ideally, both of you will take a step towards each other and try to bridge the gap; the woman will express herself, and the man will be more in tune.
But what if that doesn’t work?
Sometimes, only one person is willing to better the communication bridge, and it can be enough to help your relationship thrive. But if neither of you is willing or able to communicate in the way that the other person processes things, then your relationship may not survive.
Every relationship expert will discuss communication being key to a successful relationship, so if you’re partner doesn’t get your communication style, then it’s pretty safe to say that this isn’t your beshert. Think about living the rest of your life with someone who won’t just tell you when and why they are upset, or who doesn’t understand what it means when you retreat inwards even after it’s occurred more than a handful of times.
It’s difficult, but try not to get upset when this happens. There are a few reasons why someone won’t take that step forward, the main one being that it makes them feel too vulnerable. Remind yourself that their brain is wired differently and they can’t help it. You want to hope they will try harder for your sake, but some people are just not capable. You will be fighting a losing battle if you think this will suddenly change. Both of you can find someone else who reads you better, so forgive that person and move on. And take with you the lessons you learned of either speaking up or being more in tune with the next person you date.
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