The Ex Files

When your date asks you out, he wants to know all about you. He wants to learn your likes and dislikes. He doesn’t want to talk about your exes. Of course your previous relationships are a part of who you are, but you don’t need to speak about them on a date. I know I wouldn’t want to be on a date with a guy who spoke about his ex-girlfriends!

The Future

Women are future thinkers. We love to plan and talk about what’s going to happen in years to come. I know I love to daydream about where I’m going to live when I move in with my non-existent boyfriend. But, I don’t share that with the people that I’m dating. I keep my future thinking to myself. Future planning is a conversation that men, not women, should bring up down the road when they’re ready.

Marriage and Children

Most women love the idea of marriage. They can’t wait to get married and start a family. It’s a known fact because it’s how we were programmed. However, there are very few men that wake up each day and tell someone how excited they are to get married and have children. Marriage and having children are two steps that men take when they feel the time is right. Talking about such things on a first date is likely going to make a man run in the other direction.


Money is something that should never be brought up on a first date or any date for that matter. Asking a man how much money he makes is sure to scare him away. Likewise, talking about your salary isn’t a good idea either. Money is a bit of an awkward subject, so it’s wise to avoid it completely until the relationship becomes more serious.


Sex should never be brought up on a first, second, or third date. Sex is something that will happen naturally. If you bring it up, your date may think sex is the only thing you are interested in. He won’t see the fantastic person you are, because he’ll be focused on the idea of having sex with you. In order to earn your date’s respect, stay away from the subject of sex on a date.

Carly Spindel is a writer and hopeless romantic. Carly is a world traveler who has lived in Paris and London. She resides in New York and is currently looking for Mr. Right. You can learn more about her at

  1. You don’t mention politics as a topic to avoid. I would recommend avoiding this topic, because some people have an immediate visceral reaction to anyone who disagrees with their political views. I know this because I enjoy discussing politics, and have brought it up several times on dates. I have learned the hard lesson that it isn’t a good idea. Stick to kids, movies, compliments, traffic and weather…you can’t go wrong there.

  2. Eric, I think you’re wrong. politics is exactly the type of subject to bring up. I mean, you do want to know how the other person feels, especially if politics are important to you, right? To see if they are a match for you. Sure, avoid politics if you’re only interested in not rocking the boat or getting to know someone but that seems counter-productive if you’re looking for Mr or Ms Right.

    The categories suggested above are a different class of question.

    I disagree about the no-sex-talk suggestion myself. “Sex is something that will happen naturally.” Seriously? We’ll just sort of lose control and merge physically without communicating verbally about it first? I’ll buy that it isn’t 1st date material but not that it should be avoided ‘until it happens.’ That doesn’t sound very mature to me.

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