Hey Rachel,
I know it’s widely accepted that Jewish parents are overly-involved in their children’s lives, but mine are out of control. My mom needs to know what I’m doing and who I’m dating… and feels the need to ask at least three times a day! How do I tell her she’s smothering me without hurting her feelings? Did I mention I’m 31?
Smothered 30-Something
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Dear Smothered,
I feel you. I, too, have Jewish parents and they are ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS. Here’s my advice:
Breathe deeply.
Repeat x3.
Your mom loves you and this is the only way she knows how to show it. Before you go in for the convo, remind yourself that she’s coming from a good place. I recommend telling her you love her (always a safe starter), but you’re over 30 and you need to limit your interactions with her to 2-3x a week. Then slowly try to taper off from there. Even better, tell her you need more time to look for that special someone and all this time talking to her could be better spent on JDate (*wink*). If you come from an honest, calm place, she should be able to respect your boundaries.
There was a time when my father consistently called me at 2:30 pm during the week. I gently reminded him that I work for a living and 2:30 pm is smack in the middle of my day. It took about three tries, but he got it… eventually. However, it doesn’t stop him from asking for grandchildren every time I ask what he wants for his birthday, Father’s Day, or Hanukkah. Seriously. But, that’s an entirely different issue.
Good luck!
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I’m 42 years old, never been married, no kids, and women don’t like me. I’ve been in therapy most of my life, take a ton of medication, yet I have a college degree, I have a great job, I live on my own, drive a nice car, volunteer, have (supposedly) a great personality, am (supposedly)smart…yet no one likes me. I know, I know, I have to like myself first and all that other BS…but it’s just empty, meaningless rhetoric. PEOPLE DON’T LIKE ME! Why? Because I’m honest, truthful and realistic…which is what everybody doesn’t want to hear. I know that most women fall for all the losers that are out there so that they can manipulate them and everything…but where does that leave me? I avoid being around other people when I don’t have to because I’m sick and tired of putting on these phony facades and playing games and fighting the Joneses, and I just simply can’t stand most other people in general.
Anyway, any advice for this lonely loser who can’t wait to die? I’ve been fired, hospitalized, evicted, punished, left out, rejected, suspended and so on and so forth my entire life…I see all of your fairy tale happy endings, which is what you’re supposed to sell and promote (of course)…how about it, Rach? What words of wisdom ya got that I haven’t heard already?
Sincerely, Dazed and Confused
i need a jewish lady for family
rachel send ni your photos
regards
ronald
Rachel i am feel cryzi whe i se you sweet candy
hy harth stops for seconds
candy send ni your mail
kisses for you
to Dazed and confused: Please read the following. You are my brother.
http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2015/04/in-response-to-why-havent-you-been-married/