We all struggle with self-esteem. We have moments when we feel confident and grounded in a sense of ourselves, and moments when we become puddles of insecurity. Nothing can cause these fluctuations more than dating! We can quickly cycle between the high of feeling great about ourselves and the low of doubting our desirability. These ups and downs can lead to emotional exhaustion.
Fortunately, dating doesn’t have to be this way. Use these tips to approach dating with confidence and ease yourself off the emotional roller coaster.
1. Remember You Are Not Auditioning – They Are
Approach every situation with the feeling that you are deserving of a great partner and aren’t going to settle. Focus on getting to know the person with whom you are on a date and seeing what you think of them. Stay away from trying to impress them or gauge their reactions to you. “Is she right for me?” or “What do I like about him?” are the questions that you need to answer.
2. Don’t Worry About Impressing Them
The more you try and impress someone, the more insecure you come across. The less you worry about what your date thinks about you and the more you are authentic and yourself, the more confident you appear. If someone doesn’t like you enough to continue dating you, don’t take it personally. It only means that they aren’t the right person for you – plain and simple.
3. Don’t Invest In The Outcome
The goal of dating shouldn’t be to win over the other person and know that they wanted to go out again. Dating isn’t about the conquest, and it can lead to a lot of pain if you use it as a way to boost up your ego.
Try not to let your self-esteem fluctuate with the outcomes of the dates. Remind yourself that you can handle rejection and move on. Your confidence doesn’t have to take a hit just because someone wasn’t interested. You’re great; the match wasn’t.
4. Make Your Dating Goals A Personal Challenge
Challenge yourself to make your emotional growth the focus of dating. Do things out of your comfort zone and learn to tolerate the uneasy feelings and vulnerability.
If you know that you are uncomfortable reaching out to someone whom you consider to be out of your league, do it. If you are hesitant to send a text or email because you worry about looking desperate, take the risk. Don’t let your fears limit your behavior. This way, dating becomes a way to grow and the purpose of it is to open roadblocks that you have adopted in your life.
5. Make Friends With Uncertainty
Once the date is over, don’t focus on what happens next. Try not to sit around dissecting the date, analyzing it with friends, checking texts and emails or ruminating about what went wrong or right. You may want clarity, but it is important to let it unfold on its own timeline. Learning to be in the moment and comfortable with “not knowing” are good skills to master.
6. Steer Clear Of The Wrong Person
If you have a history of falling for the wrong type of person, then you have to be careful not to replicate this pattern. Become an expert in the red flags associated with your “wrong type” and heed the warnings when you recognize them. Familiarity may pull you toward them, so when it comes to dating, you have to be very mindful about your choice.
7. Don’t Settle
It can be hard to be alone, but don’t date someone just because you are lonely. It is better to be alone and develop your life than remaining in a relationship where you are not treated well or are not really into.
Also, having your energy focused on a dead-end relationship keeps you from being available for a better match to come your way.
Dating should be something that you enjoy, not an emotionally draining process. Realigning your attitude will help you have a great time on your journey to find a meaningful relationship.
You may also be interested in 5 Ways To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level This Summer