Dating is hard. Trying to find someone who you enjoy being with, who you are attracted to and who is attracted to you, and who you find intellectually stimulating is hard.
Trying to find a life partner via dating is even harder. There are so many more things to consider besides simply do you like being with this person, are they attractive to you and are you attractive to them and are they intellectually stimulating.
Will they be a committed and loyal life partner? Can you picture growing with them and growing old with them? Do they want the same things from life that you do: kids, a house in the country, similar lifestyle goals?
Add to all of that dating as a Jewish person!
The Jewish community is unique in that we are a distinct people but not a distinct race. We have “white privilege” but don’t feel completely assimilated into the places we live because even if we are not religious, we are…different. We have cultural ways about us. We eat certain foods and celebrate a different calendar. If we are religiously inclined, we have religious restrictions that set us apart from others: how we eat, what we wear, how we behave.
Add to all of that dating as a Jewish woman, and dating can seem darn near impossible!
As women, we have a whole other set of concerns when we date.
Do we match up to – or should we have to match up to the standards of beauty set by our culture and popular media? Is it enough to be pretty or do you need to have plastic surgery or wear special undergarments to enhance yourself so that you are more than just pretty?
How sexy is too sexy? If you come off too sexy on a date, you might be perceived as undesirable in a way that men aren’t judged or accused of being.
If you are dating to marry, as a woman, there are certain considerations you may want to clear up very soon such as discussions of being a stay at home or not stay at home parent, or comparing views on child rearing. Sometimes this can come off as pushy or too eager and we women fear that might be a turn off!
It’s a wonder dating happens at all, honestly.
I have found that as a Jewish woman, the dating arena can be really intimidating for all of the reasons above and many many more. I am traditional in a lot of ways, but also unconventional in others. I love being Jewish and embrace it wholly but I also know that Jewish identity is a constantly evolving identity and it can change from month to month and year to year. There are a lot of stereotypes about Jewish women that we run into when we date and all we want is to find the one person who totally “gets” us.
JDate is a wonderful place to be able to narrow down your search when you date. I have so many friends who have found true love matches here and nowhere else. I love that Jewish singles are seeking out other Jewish singles here. Increasing assimilation is a big concern for our community, and JDate has made so many friends of mine happy lovers, spouses, and families.
And if my sons don’t like my plans for them to marry my best friends’ daughters, I hope they will turn to the world of JDate to help them find their perfect match. One can hope.
Mayim Bialik is best known for her current role as Amy Farrah Fowler on CBS’ “The Big Bang Theory,” as well as her lead role in the 1990s NBC sitcom “Blossom.” She has a PhD in neuroscience, is the grandchild of immigrants from Eastern Europe and the mother of two young boys. She is the founder of GrokNation, an online space for deep and dynamic conversation on today’s issues. Follow Mayim on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
JDate allows you to find women to date. But it does not necessarily have women who observe as I do. And my situation is further complicated because I am mobility challenged. I rarely get the opportunity to fully relate to a women so the chair may not be a big deal. It doesn’t stop me from participating in life.
Quite honestly, beauty is in the inside. The other person can’t be repulsed, but those of us with average looks feel prejudiced.
I have seen you in your regular clothes, I have read your blogs, and I know we’d be a good match. But I’m not a star, so I doubt it would ever be.
Maybe it’s hard for a Jewish woman, but it’s even harder in my country we we don’t have dating just arranged marriage, we have a short time to know each other before the marriage but it’s not enough to really know someone! So our choices are limited and depend on luck if he is a good man or not! So that’s why I prefer to be single forever 🙁
THAT IS SO SAD IT BREAKS MY HEART!
Thank you Alphonso you are so nice but don’t be sad I got used to being alone I’m an independent woman and I try to make myself happy 🙂
Thank you so much for writing this! I myself am Jewish and it’s been difficult for me to date and find a worthy man, let alone a worthy Jewish man. I’m a proud Jewish woman and it’s always so hard find someone who shares the same beliefs as I do.
My beloved father(who wasn’t Jewish insisted on me being raised Jewish) always wanted me to find great Jewish man. I’m hoping one day that I am able to keep that promise I made to him; that I would find a man just like him and Jewish.
Reading your article has given me hope and knowing that I’m not alone in this. Thank you Mayim! You are a true inspiration!
Thanks mayim you are a big inspiration for and I appreciate the fact I’m Jewish
I agree with everything ^…dating as a woman is difficult period. Add more baggage to that and the difficulty increases exponentially. ..but not just as a Jewish woman. I have many Jewish friends who dated post divorce quite successfully. Many did use JD and some did not. Maybe it’s because I live in NY that it seems not as difficult for a Jewish or any woman to date …but to weed out the wierdos…that’s a full time job lol…love your blog, acting & you.
I so relate to your essay! One caveat, however: not all Jews identify as white/have white privilege–although of course the majority of Ashkenazim do.
Mayim, you’re an inspiration to ALL women!
I always liked you in Blossom but even more now on BBT! The fact that you have a PHD just makes you all the more credible! I do hope you find that love that makes you swoon. We all search, some find, some wait. As for the jewish side, I am not informed. I have been in love with a jewish guy for more than 40 years! LOL. I met him in HS but, sadly we moved away to another state. He remains in the big City even now. I reside in the country. We send best wishes on B.Days and holidays. Let me tell you, if he said jump…I probably would! Many wonderful thought to you and yours this season lady. God bless.
Hi I have been single almost 6 years as its hard fi ding some one I have a disability so many judge before they know some one I was always told growing up it don’t matter what colour race or religion some one is as long as both are happy together is what counts.
67 year young Jewish woman divorced after 42 yr marriage … Artsy, lover of pet Chloe, past Educator, 2 Adult children ( saved son with addictions who now is ALIVE and living his dream as radio host on local CBS station)5 yr old grandson ( there for him as I was with my kids but can go to my home to sleep!)
Fun job as Rep for local families cookie
company . Demo and sell product part time
Getting back to my creativity as artist after comforting and overseeing care for both parents
past 6 yrs until they departed. Surrounded by lovely and loving friends ! Appreciating my time on earth ! Watched “Blossom” with daughter who is now 34…we also met you after show “Vagina Monologues” in Chicago! Wishing you the Best New Year in 2016 Suzie
Dear Mayim Bialik
I appreciate your character and personal presence on BBT. You represent a loving, patient, intelligent woman and a perfect match for Sheldon…that lucky character on the show. In fact, I’m addicted to BBT and love all the dialogue prepared for you; best of all, your oh, so believable and lovable presentation and style.
I also see myself in Sheldon as my background and professional style is almost identical to the unique Sheldon…so amusing to see me in his way of handling life and so similar to my style. Please add “notify me of follow-up comments and new posts by email”. Thank you and a belated Happy Chanukkah!
Charlene
I used to be on Jdate. I got off when there were more non-Jews writing me and my friends than Jews (when I inquired about the influx of non-Jews on this “Jewish” site, the “Jewish” dating site said they didn’t want to discriminate against non-Jews). And when my married friends, who’s profiles Jdate refused to remove, repeatedly showed up in my matches.