As a dating coach, I often hear singles say how hard it is to meet someone. True, it’s harder than when you’re in college, especially if you’re older and most of your friends are married. But, don’t tell me that you have “tried everything,” or I may challenge you on that! In fact, I brainstormed this rather audacious list in response to that statement. It might be challenging to guys (who’ve traditionally been the asker-outers), but I playfully entreat you ladies to take it on. What do you have to lose? Remember, “No is just a word like yes!”

In my book, When Mars When Date, there’s a chapter that examines how dating etiquette is changing. Dating experts have long suggested that a woman not offer activity ideas for dates or ask a man out.  Yet, research shows that when women did ask a man out, 51% of female initiated dates led to a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months! Is it worth a try? At least it’ll make for a funny story and be an alternative to waiting for someone to discover you. Here are 25 bold ways you can meet someone new this month:

  1. Chat with someone on the subway
  2. Go to a bookstore and ask about a book someone is skimming
  3. Talk to someone in the bagel shop
  4. Introduce yourself or make conversation on the elevator
  5. Sit next to someone on a bus and ask how their day is going
  6. Say hello to someone waiting for a light on the street corner
  7. Start a conversation with someone in a doctor’s office
  8. Flirt with someone at the supermarket
  9. Begin a conversation in line at the bank
  10. Go to synagogue and meet two new dating prospects
  11. Hand someone cute your business card
  12. Compliment someone of the opposite sex
  13. Attend a singles event, alone
  14. Meet and hold eyes with someone cute across the room at a diner (and then smile!)
  15. Introduce yourself to someone attractive at a party – don’t wait to be approached
  16. Ask someone you like out for coffee – maybe a single neighbor you don’t know?
  17. Join JDate for three months and write 3 prospects each day
  18. Go to a corner bar and buy someone a drink
  19. Go dancing and ask a member of the opposite sex to dance
  20. Ask three acquaintances to fix you up this week
  21. Buy a rose and hand it to someone cute of the opposite sex who isn’t wearing a ring
  22. Take a class, sit next to someone cute and talk to them
  23. Volunteer somewhere and start chatting with any cute volunteers you meet
  24. Make a point to share a joke with a cute stranger today
  25. Go buy some CDs in a music store and talk to some guys in the same section about the bands they like and the concerts they’ve seen

Opportunities abound. You won’t be arrested for having a conversation (even in NY). There’s no guarantee any of this will work, but your openness will allow love to come to you in new ways… and this is good practice. So, here’s my challenge to you:

“Be the change you want to see in your love life and seize the date!”

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and the author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She has a private practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching by phone. Learn more at and
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