Even when you’re Jewish, it is hard not to experience the relationship pressures of the holidays. You get invited to Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve parties with a plus one. You’re bombarded by advertising messages that your holiday is not complete without a partner. More than any other time of the year, the pressure is on to be in a relationship.
The holidays can be a complex time for singles. There can be desperation on the one hand, and disenchantment on the other. But by keeping these tips in mind, you can make it through the holiday season single and emerge optimistic about dating in the New Year.
Don’t Compromise Your Standards
You’ve made a list of requirements for the person you want to date. Now is not the time to decide that you have been too picky and need to loosen your expectations. Don’t let your nervousness compel you to drop your requirements.
Don’t Put Up With A Bad Relationship
Don’t let your apprehensions about being alone during the holidays allow you to settle for a lukewarm relationship. Sure, you will have a companion for all the Hanukkah parties, but you will likely find yourself facing an awkward breakup in the new year.
Don’t Make It About You
Being alone over the holidays is especially hard if you believe that you are single because you are not good enough – not attractive enough, not successful enough, not fit enough, etc. The list is endless. Don’t make your status a referendum about you. If you stay centered in your knowledge that you are worthy and desirable but just haven’t found the right one yet, the holidays will be a lot more enjoyable.
Don’t Get Discouraged
Now is not the time to give up on finding your mate. Remind all your friends that you are on the market. Get better feedback on JDate by refreshing your picture or updating your profile. Go out to group activities where you might meet some new faces. Synagogues, clubs and bars all have mixers this time of year where you can make new friends and put yourself out there.
Don’t Squander Being Single
You are free to determine your own schedule and take advantage of opportunities. The holidays can be a great time to see friends, travel and dedicate time to things you want to learn. Engage in self-care; treat yourself to a facial, a massage or a Soul Cycle class. Don’t just enjoy this time of being single – celebrate it!
Try not to think of the holidays as a time when you should be partnered up with someone. Instead, consider that it could be an optimal time to meet someone new. Many festivities are happening all around you. A combination of being at the right place, at the right time, with the right attitude could turn out to be your best gift of the season.
You may also be interested in The Best Things About Being Single To Be Thankful For
I want to suggest that the advice in #1 should include the qualification that there indeed seems to be too much pickiness in singles’ must-have lists in a mate.
This is actually a very good time to review one’s wish list — not coming from a place of desperstion, but turning the pain of loneliness into motivation to take a harder look at what may be keeping one single.
Do you have too many expectations? Are they unrealistic? Are they actually not that important to true relationship happiness? It helps to differentiate between wants and needs.
There is another article on this site that addresses this subject. It it, this is what’s said:
“The point is to figure out what your make-or-break items are (this should be in the single digits) while at the same time being willing to be flexible. You won’t feel like you are settling if you refuse to give up your core values; but at the same time, you’ll open yourself up to more people who could potentially be great matches for you!”
I couldn’t agree more. We’re not just needing a playmate; we need to love and to be loved. For that, emotional compatibility is far more important than what rock bands you like or countries you want to travel to together — yet I rarely see that as a focus in singles’ profiles.
I think this is a very good time to give serious thought to what truly matters, and adjust your list accordingly.
Happy holidays, and may we all find true love soon!
Many of the women who seek companionship say” i am looking for a man who knows how to treat a woman “: I seek a woman who knows how to treat a man ‘ GUARANTEED TO GE BEETER RESULTS LLOYD
I guess that I lost my deepest desires a long time ago. Men invite me out but their No. 1 priority is asking me for money and sex. It might be popular today but not one of my priorities.