The majority of clients who hire me as a consultant to help them with their dating lives are women between the ages of 35 and 50. They are, by far, the most confused and irritated demographic in the dating world. They’re confused because they know they are quality women who have found success in their careers, have plenty of friends and are independent. They’re irritated because they feel they have dated all the eligible men in their circle, or they feel men overlook them because of their age and independence, or both. Plus, they often get labeled as “desperate” based solely on their single status after the age of 35. But there are ways to change that narrative and put a positive spin on those negative feeling and connotations.
Creating an online dating profile and going on first dates is a lesson in marketing. You’re not trying to con anyone into thinking they’re about to go on a date with a 25-year-old, so the answer is not lying about your age. But figuring out how to present yourself in the best light so that YOU are in the spotlight and your age becomes secondary is important.
Of course, you’re not going to type “I need to find a husband in the next three years because you don’t want to be a senior citizen when your kids graduate high school” or “I can’t stand to be single for one more second” or even “I don’t know why I’m single.” That would be absurd, but it is what my clients tell me, it’s how they feel, and that means it likely comes across in their dating profiles and on dates.
The first step is to forget what being in a relationship will do for you. Instead, remember what you’ve accomplished on your own and what you bring to a relationship. Write these items down. Convert the list into a paragraph — just make sure it doesn’t read as braggadocious or like a resume. Then, commit said list to memory so you can remind yourself of how awesome you are whenever the single life gets you down. Age is a state of mind, and although a single woman in her late 30s or 40s may be stereotyped as desperate, you can dispel that reputation with your attitude and approach to life. Keep it positive and highlight your happiness.
One of the challenges of dating as a woman between the ages of 35 and 50 is being proud of your independence while still allowing a man to feel like there’s space in your life for him. Acting like you don’t need a man because you’ve lived this long without one and have accomplished so much on your own will only help you continue to be alone. You may not need a man, but if you’re reading this, then chances are that you want a man. That said, it is human nature to want to feel needed, particularly by your partner.
This means you need to find the happy medium of expressing what you have in life and what you still want out of life. How does a man fit into your life? Are you truly willing to make room for him? One of the biggest issues I’ve found in this demographic of women is that they are staunchly against moving because they worked really hard to afford their home. You have earned the right to be incredibly proud of that, but it also can come across as being totally inflexible. Other women I talk to are set in their ways of their routine, but an unwillingness to compromise is a recipe for staying single. If you want to find love, you need to find space for it first.
Overall, keeping a positive (but not fake) attitude and not putting out the air of desperation is the best way to attract a man. Again, focus on the parts of your life that make you happy and that joy will emanate throughout.
You may also be interested in 5 Reasons Dating After 30 Is Better Than In Your 20s