I am sure that there is advice floating around somewhere on how to properly conduct a date using as little money as possible.  Though I certainly am not an expert, I have been on enough dates with little to no money, and have carefully weighed the good outcomes with the bad.  Having never experienced anything close to a good outcome when dating on a budget, I will now propose my hypothesis:  Do not go out on a date if you have little to no money.

This may sound harsh, but it is no harsher than having reality kick in halfway into you and your date’s Extra Value Meal.  This is not a knock against McDonald’s.  McDonald’s is great food to eat while sitting in your car alone. However, if not in your car or not alone, please stay clear of McDonald’s wondrous assortment of treats.  Nothing hurts more than watching your date throw her McFlurry® onto the ground before stomping past the indoor playground and drink station before storming out the doo Dates are expensive.  Even when on a budget, you may not realize how much money you are spending.  If she lives more than five miles away, that’s at least a quarter gallon of gas.  Counting the round trip to her place, and the restaurant, that’s about $4 in gas.  If she lives further than five miles away, you should seriously reconsider all of the qualities of the person that you are about to shower in cash.  When she gets in the car, she will probably enjoy cold air conditioning as well as my employment of the brake and accelerator so as to not hit anything or anyone.  This all takes a toll on how much gas is consumed.

Of course, if you are dating on a budget, you may not have a car at all.  If you live in a suburban environment and do not have a car, this blog should not be your first deterrent to going out on a date.  Instead, you should have acquired years of public shame and misery before knowing for sure that you should not go out with anybody.  If you live in a sprawling suburban environment, and do not own a vehicle, you have two options.  The first option is to let her pick you up and drive you around.  This should not be an option to any person who thinks and feels. The second option is to not go out at all.  This option works much better when trying to not be humiliated.