Dear Tamar,

I think my profile and photos are pretty good (compared to some I have seen), but I’m wondering if my age is the factor that is making men rule me out. My impression is that men are looking for women much younger than themselves. Should I make myself five years younger in order to prompt some interest? Thanks for any help you can give me!

—Should I Lie About My Age?


Dear Should I Lie About My Age?,

My short response: no. No, don’t lie about your age, because then you’re automatically starting off a possible relationship with a lie. I know a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t make it right. How would you feel if you met up with a guy only to learn that he had lied to you about something in his JDate profile, especially if it was something important to you?

The better approach is to take control of your dating life and initiate contact by writing a short and sweet email. Before you do so, check the man’s age preferences and note if you are just above his maximum age or waaaaay above. You may not want to bother with the latter. But with the former, you can say, “I know I may be above your preferred age range, but trust me; you won’t regret giving [your age here] a chance!” Or, you can avoid the age topic altogether and simply draw attention to your awesome profile and photos by pointing out all the commonalities that attracted you to him in the first place.

I know the temptation to fudge your stats just a little bit can be tempting, especially if you think it could lead to more matches. But once the truth comes out, it’s hard to earn back any trust you may have lost. Be upfront from the get-go so you end up with a guy that likes you for you – not your age.


For solutions to any dating dilemma, submit your questions to Dear Tamar online.

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