Coming off of my well-deserved rock-star high, I got into my car in the IHOP parking lot with the woman whom I will refer to as ‘Caroline’ so as not to disrupt what I imagine are her delicate senses.  She asked where I wanted to go, and if I had known that that was a sign that she would have literally gone anywhere with me that night, then I never would have made the mistake of saying ‘home’ and dropping her off at her house …six years before my next moment with a girl would come with a woman I will call ‘Kelsie’.

So I’m standing inside my apartment with ‘Kelsie’ as she hugs me and tells me that I’m easily the best looking guy on the photo staff, though I know there are three gorgeous contenders that easily rank above me.  There was that moment again.  I could take her anywhere, and I had taught myself that if, that moment ever came again, I wouldn’t drive her home to her new life with ‘Eliot’.  I would drive her six years forward to my future with our child on the way.  “I’m doing this for Carly!” (our child) I yell at her face, while I kiss her, marry her, and impregnate her in the same motion.

I treated ‘Kelsie’ the same way I treated ‘Caroline’.’  I hugged her and let her go.  Luckily for ‘Caroline,’ text messaging hadn’t been created yet, so there was no way I could try to reignite the spark four years after the fact. Unluckily for “Kelsie,’ text messaging had been created.  If I ever see ‘Kelsie’ again, and the initial awkward phase of me pretending that I never texted her anything passes, I may tell her about our alternative life with our daughter, Carly.  I would not, however, tell her that Ben was actually hotter.