If everyone is on JDate then how come people complain to me “there’s no one on JDate!” Or, why do they lament about being unable to find anyone on JDate!? The people who make these statements and ask these questions run the gamut, from males to females, old and young, straight and gay, short and tall, and so on.

My answer is always simple: they’re out there, you’re just not looking hard enough. Typically people fall into two categories: they either tend to have their preferences set too narrowly and therefore don’t have a large pool of prospects to choose from and get frustrated by the lack of options — or they have their preferences set way too broadly and have far too many prospects to scroll through, and then get overwhelmed until everyone’s profiles begin to blend together.

In my book, “How to Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating,” I recommend beginning with the former and setting your preferences to your absolute “perfect” idea of a match, and then broadening your options slowly from there. That will allow you time to see who’s out there and what one year of age, or one inch, or one level of education translates to in regards to the number of prospects you find. This will help you easily determine who is new to your search results in a slow and deliberate manner.

Here’s an example from one of my female clients, “Jamie,” age 34, of her ideal match:

• woman seeking a man
• age 34-39
• located within 25 miles of her city
• marital status: single
• religion: reform, traditional, culturally Jewish, conservative
• ethnicity: any
• smoking: no
• drinking: socially, on occasion
• height: 6’0-6’6
• body style: athletic
• education: bachelor’s, master’s, JD/PhD
• kosher: not at all
• temple: on high holidays, sometimes
• has kids: no
• plans on having children: yes
• custody: any
• activity level: very active, active, selected activities
• languages: english
• willing to relocate: no

After I tweaked Jamie’s profile, we slowly adjusted one category at a time until she had a good number of options without compromising on her preferences too much. With age and height, we adjusted one year and one inch, respectively, at a time. This is how it looks now:

• woman seeking a man
• age 33-41
• located within 50 miles of her city
• marital status: single, divorced,
• religion: reform, traditional, culturally Jewish, conservative
• ethnicity: any
• smoking: no
• drinking: socially, on occasion
• height: 5’10-6’9
• body style: athletic, lean, firm, muscular, average, proportional
• education: bachelor’s, master’s, JD/PhD
• kosher: not at all
• temple: on high holidays, sometimes
• has kids: no
• plans on having children: yes
• custody: any
• activity level: very active, active, selected activities
• languages: english
• willing to relocate: no

Jamie went from having about 60 prospects, many of which she knew already, to having more than 200 prospects, many of which she had never seen before. Put a little elbow grease into your profile and preferences, and your prospects will increase in quality and quantity!