If you are failing to successfully meet women online, odds are there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. However, there may be something wrong with the techniques and approaches you are using to make a connection with these women. To help you understand what I mean, I’ll compare approaching beautiful women in bars to attracting these same women online. For example, when men see an attractive woman at a bar, the following behaviors usually occur:
- Most men have a fear of face-to-face rejection and will stare at a gorgeous woman the entire night without ever saying a word.
- Others attempt to psyche themselves up, working up the courage to approach all night, but often chicken out and make excuses.
- Some approach sober, usually in ways that are boring, repetitive, uninspired, or lacking in confidence.
- Then there are those who only attempt to talk after being filled with confidence thanks to a half dozen beers. These men usually come off as rude, creepy, and over-aggressive.
These various behaviors perpetuate the cliché women often declare: “I would never try to meet a guy at a bar.”
Despite this common proclamation, most guys at bars aren’t actually creeps. Many are completely deserving of great, quality women. It’s not that something is wrong with them; it’s the approach they are using that leaves them at a dead end. If these same men actually came up to women at bars in a non-threatening manner while being unique and interesting, women would be more open to their advances.
Now let’s shift back to online dating.Let’s pretend we made a profile for a beautiful woman at a bar. She is still the same woman, but there would be one drastic change in regards to how she is approached.The amount of men who attempt to pick her up will jump exponentially.
The same men who stare in bars without saying a word, will now attack this woman with messages since the element of face-to-face rejection has been eliminated. Some of the more beautiful women will receive hundreds of emails per week. Does this mean online dating is an impossibly competitive waste of time? Not at all.
Think about it. Just like the bar scene, where guys are approaching women in ways that are boring, repetitive, and creepy, online dating is filled with men who have the same exact uninspired approaches. Yes, the number of men approaching women in this manner online is much higher. For that reason, we must be unique and interesting with our approach.
So ask yourself these questions:
- Are you original with what you say to women online?
- Are you interesting and giving women a reason to WANT to respond?
- Do you have a grasp of the difference between what creates attraction in males and females?
If not, I’m afraid you have some work to do! Just keep in mind, your approach is not limited to writing a great opening email. In the bar scene, your body language, voice, and confidence combine with what you’re actually saying to create the right approach. However, in the online world, your written profile and photo galleries now communicate the messages your voice and body language are unable to display. In order to approach correctly, everything must be in order!
Once you learn to do so, the dates will come in numbers you can no longer count. It’s all in the technique and finding the right approach. It is our job as men to give women reasons to choose us over the other one hundred other men messaging them. Are you giving them enough reason to do so?
Very good points. More people absolutely need to be more interesting and stop blaming others for their failures. Its the downfall of society. Everything is everybody elses fault. Man up and figure things out for yourself.
ok jame can we chat
Good evening Joshua
I want to first tell you, that I’m not so sure you’ve made your points
to benefit me, as a single/divorced jewish male. I’ve been in this dating game for over 20 years due to the death of my son and my wife
walking out on me as a result. One very interesting thing I’ve discovered, is the fact that jewish women, who are within my age range of 50 to about 56 (which is reasonable), are located in the warmer climates. Moving for me isn’t very realistic and becomes almost
impossible when the time does arrive, and they will NOT move to a
colder climate.
I’ve also discovered, that when women say they WILL move, it’s not to a colder climate, but rather.. to a different part of a warmer state in which they live. As a result, the business of their “relocation”,
isn’t very realistic.. and they aren’t all that honest about where they
“will” relocate to. Another issue I’ve learned and again, I can’t figure
out how your ideas are supposed to work for me, is the issue of age. I have absolutly NO desire or intention, to date women older than my age range. Yet.. I’m getting a majority of emails from women in their mid
60’s in some cases…… and from women in their mid 70’s, which would be like dating my mothers friend!.. not only unheard of, but not a plan
I would EVER have anything to do with, because it’s just not natural.
My profile photos are current, my content is well written, I’m not an
alcoholic, and I honestly have been told I am a good looking guy.
What I can’t seem to figure out, is why I can’t find dates who will
truly consider relocation and without question. So.. it isn’t so much
about content or photos, or approach, I’ve got that all taken care of,
it’s about available women who I’m “comfortable with”, who truly want to
take a chance.. and not a risk. Sadly, they won’t give me that chance..
because they want me to live in Florida or California.. and I just am
at a loss for what to do. I can’t even find a woman who isn’t excessivly
overweight.. and I can’t figure that out… what happened to all these
women on jdate who allegedly, “take good care of them selves”?? and
the women who claim they work out 2 to 3 times a week?? Go ahead.. take
a look at my profile.. I assure you, it’s well written, and for a 62
year old guy, I hold my looks well, if that’s what they truly want. I’m
just at a loss as to how to get your theory to work for me.
aboating guy.
It seems to me that, when you distill it down to the essentials, Joshua’s article really just says, “Whether in a public place or online, be confident, witty, unique, charming, interesting, but not aggressive or pushy, in body language as well as speech.”
This advice strikes me as one of those truisms that are self-evidently true but not particularly useful.
What might be more helpful to members would be to point out some concrete examples or scenarios that illustrate the advice in plausibly real-life situations.
I think that’s exactly right… and I’m not the bad guy here, I’m just
a little concerned that I’m not finding the “genuine” women in a number of
cases. I’ve met many wonderful women on this site.. but not one I’m geographically near, who tends to be somewhat age wise, physically, and just in terms of general personality. I have become some what frustrated with some womens’ intentions, and I guess continue to wonder if I will ever meet that one woman who I believe will be the one.
Joshua’s insight is all wrong simply because there no universal approach to women as there none to men. Being yourself and true to yourself is the only approach everyone needs on JDate or anywhere. If people pass by without contacting means two things (to me anyway): 1) they are looking for something else, 2) they are lazy to look past the photo, which makes them blind in their mind. Not loo long ago I traveled 200 miles on a date and accidentally found out that the Single lady I met was separated. To my “Why?” she said – I wanted to give you a chance. Hmm…
We come from different parts of the US, but I think some has to do with when woman think they say oh I want a good guy who isnt affraid of work, good hearted morals, etc… Like we all do with woman. I have written piles of letters to hundreds of woman on several lagit sites, and I know alot is probabally where Im from and what I do, Ive allways been honest in my intro and believe in treating a woman like a lady, and only a few letters back, and then they stop completely. I know Im a good man, and what it would take, I normally wouldnt write to another and ask anything like this, I was reading your articles and other letters and thought what does it hurt. So after you check me out could you give me some advice? I know life is different out in NY or CA ive driven truck out there several times, but I have noticed a country boy does catch their eye but when approached and start to talk, unless you can talk about the city they turn cold. I would just like a little of advice.
Thankyou John
I read this article out of curiosity; I’m actually having a pretty good time of it here on JD. However, I’m not nearly so arrogant as to think that I can’t learn something new. I also read it with a lot of skepticism, as the title, “How to Attract ANY Woman Online”, comes off like those cheesy ads you see for pheromones, etc.
My skepticism was certainly warranted: The article offers no concrete tips whatsoever. It basically says that if your approach isn’t working, figure out what works with women and use a better approach. Duh! Thanks!
My take: Be confident that you’re a person worth knowing, without being an arrogant blowhard about it. Relax and enjoy yourself — as Mick Jagger sings in “Shattered”: “Life’s just a cocktail party on the street”. JD is just a big cocktail party (with or without the drinks 🙂 ), and it’s a really big numbers game — you just have to be patient and work through the crowds. As I learned when I worked in sales years ago, there will always be a certain number of people who say “No”; you just have to work through the “No’s” (sp?) to get to the “Yesses” (sp?). Add to that, you will not want to say “Yes” to everyone who says, “Yes” to you, and you realize that patience is truly a virtue on JD. Yes, it’s time-consuming, but that’s the game.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
John,
Email me at joshuapompey@getrealdates.com
It will be too difficult to respond to your question in detail in a comment. I would be glad to provide some specific pointers and to resources that will help you move in the right direction.
Joshua
I think that before traveling a long distance for a date, there should be lots of phone conversations first. For a really long distance, try Skype video chats before traveling. Skype video is free for the software and the video calls & easy to set up. Cameras are fairly inexpensive.
You could each dim the lights & set up candles near the computer, and sip a glass of wine — a virtual candlelight date! You see what they really look like, and also their facial expressions and body language while you speak. A word of warning, though: Because you each want to look at the other person on the screen, and the camera is a little offset, it makes it look like the other person is a little distracted because neither of you will be looking directly into the camera. Just look directly into the camera once in a while, and it will look like you’re looking directly into her eyes. Just don’t do anything that you might not want to show up on the internet later — these calls can be recorded (still pics & videos).
I find that thousands of profile views lead to hundreds of e-mails (some to different women, some to the same woman), that lead to a few (different women & same woman) phone calls, that then lead to lots of e-mails & phone calls to one woman. By the time I get to an actual date, we’re both really excited to meet and pretty sure about it. The one time it didn’t work on a date, we had shortened that process & just took a chance. Four total actual dates; three major successes.
Don’t let it get to you — hang in there and have fun. When you find the one that’s right for you, you’ll thank G-d the others didn’t work out.
This article doesn’t tell you how to attract any woman online at all. Its title should be, “If You Want To Attract Any Woman Online Then Go Learn How To Do It”.
This isn’t a very good article.
Agreed, Perhaps my article was mis-titled!
Please be aware though, I wrote over 750 pages on the subject and only have 500 words to work with each article. I’d be glad to answer any questions you might have in this comment section, or feel free to visit my website for some more discussion.
In my opinion bars and internet dating sites differ in one huge way, and in several lesser ways, which makes the tactics of the battle ground completely different, while the strategem may be the same.
1. The huge difference is the fact that you write on dating sites, and talk in bars. Or barf, these are the two main channels of communication there, other than passign out or being thrown out by the bouncers.
So here you can try composing a script at your own pace and time, when you feel sober or drunk, high or suicidal, your pick.
The immediacy of being in the present disappears in written communication.
Also, being “interesting” is overrated. I am easily the most interesting writer I know on websites, but I have a zero point zero zero zero batting average. (Read that as “eye-batting”.) I am five foot four, have no car. And I live in a rented motel room, and live on a government disability program. Oh, and I’m fat.
Therefore forget about being interesting or full of self-confidence, whether you want to go for a kill or for a cougar, or for everlasting love and togetherness.
Forget being interesting, and become 1. Handsome, 2. Tall, 3. Normal, 4. at least reasonably well-to-do, 5. Be an opera lover, 5. Must love scuba diving in the caribbean, 5. Must not repeat yourself incessantly, even in small things, like points in a list, or their ordinal numbers, 9. quietly reserved, full of fun at times, with a serious side if need be, successful in your career, comfortable in your skin, and tigersome in bed.
After all, tigers and cougars ought to get along well, unless one or the other goes very hungry.
Well, marriages do break up most likely, when the money situation is a problem, no? So there you go. If the couple or one of them goes very hungry, there goes the marriage.-
Attract ANY Woman in short time just try to wear RX attraction cologne spray which is more help to attract girl fast.