Forgiveness is not only for the forgiven, but also for the forgiver. Heartbreak will put you through the ringer, and the effects can be felt deeply. It’s hard to let go of anger towards someone who has hurt you, especially if the love ran deep enough, but what does this anger do for you? Does it help you become a better person? Does it find you love?
When you are carrying that type of heartbreak and anger towards an ex, all it does is fuel a bad rebound relationship. When the pain and anger is that profound, it’s like a mask that impedes your vision and judgment. All you do is view life through that anger and pain, which could lead to some truly regrettable choices.
In the spirit of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur in particular, it’s best to start the sweet New Year forgiving others for what they have done to hurt us.
1. Forgive Adultery
Adultery is a sin. There’s no denying that this is one of the most hurtful things an ex can do to you.
But the fact is that the cheater didn’t cheat because of your lack of value or who you are as a person. People cheat because of how they feel inside. The cheating is often a sign of feeling insignificant or confused about who they are and where they are headed. Offer forgiveness because staying angry will only hurt you from ever trusting and truly loving again. Offer forgiveness because that person is lacking more than you ever have lacked.
2. Forgive (But Don’t Forget) Abuse
You should not have to forget abuse you have suffered. Don’t forget the poor choices an ex made, because that knowledge helps to prevent abuse from happening to you again in the future. And don’t ever let an abuser back in again.
But what you can do is forgive. Forgive the abuser. The abusive ex is a sad and insecure person who may never find or feel happiness again without hurting another person in the process.
Forgive because you are now free. Forgive and hope for this person to find peace. Forgive knowing that person most likely will not change, and pray for that person to limit his or her drama and toxicity onto others.
3. Forgive Lost Love
Isn’t this the worst? “I don’t love you” or “I don’t love you anymore” might just be the hardest phrases to hear.
Forgive this person because, as much as it hurts you, you can’t force someone to love you. You can’t force someone to appreciate all the beauty in you. Forgive because in doing so, it frees you to meet someone who will love you exactly as you are.
4. Forgive Lying
The liar who couldn’t say a true word if his or her life depended on it made for an awful partner. Being free from someone like that is a wonderful thing.
It can take a lot of time and patience with oneself to really get over a lying ex. It makes you doubt everyone around you. Nothing seems right. You can’t even trust yourself to make any type of judgment calls anymore after picking a liar.
But forgiving a lying ex means you get to free up your head space to stop doubting yourself and others. It means you get to start fresh and try to trust someone again. It also means you get to forgive yourself for picking the wrong partner.
Yom Kippur is a solemn day on the Jewish calendar. But if you consider what forgiving others can do for your life and the rest of your year, it’s worth making the tough choices for a big payoff.
You may also be interested in 5 Tips For Getting Over A Breakup Jewish-Style