Dear Tamar,

I met a guy a couple of weeks ago and we have been talking on the phone for hours every night. I love how easy it is to talk to him, and we have so much in common. It seems like this could really be the start of something great! Except, of course, for the fact that we have yet to meet. We talk about making plans, but nothing ever comes of it. Please help me transition this relationship off the phone and into a date!

—Sleepless in Seattle… because I’m on the phone all night with this guy!


Dear Sleepless,

I hate to start off by saying I told you so, but… it’s not a good sign that this guy hasn’t made it a priority to meet you. A guy who likes you is asking you out on the first phone call. This pattern looks like a guy who likely has a girlfriend and is bored, or he’s single and bored, or he’s just bored. Sorry, I know that’s tough to accept because of the connection you’ve forged, but you have to ask yourself why someone is spending so much time getting to know you without making the commitment to actually meet you.

We have to stop making excuses for these prospects. If they have the time to spend talking on the phone for even two hours (and I’m sure you’re talking for longer than that), then they have the time to meet you. At this point you need to make it an ultimatum: “I’ve had such a great time getting to know you on the phone, but at this point I think we need to finally meet before things go any further.” Then see what he says. I’m afraid it will likely be another excuse and you will have to decide if the phone line is a strong enough connection… or not.


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