As they say, ’tis the season when a young man’s fancy turns to love. ‘Tis also the season it turns to fertilizer, so there’s kind of a nice yin & yang there! One season that seemingly ended last month was awards season, but I’m about to bring it back, re: my previous post postulating about how our past girlfriends might shed light on the qualities we’re seeking in future ones. Welcome to the first annual Girlfriend Awards!

Tell me this wouldn’t hold your attention: Roll the first clip of one of your exes circa the time you two were an item. Cue the music from one of the songs that played circa the time you two were an item. And out walks that ex present day to announce the first award! Not some overexposed present-day pseudo-celebrity, but like Debra Winger or Joni Mitchell, a rare appearance by someone who once impacted you and was a regular part of your life. Well, at least you fellow ageless boomers out there.

“For best listening skills, the nominees are…”

Presenters could list themselves among the nominees, if they merited inclusion. The four or five-shot of your nervous ex-girlfriend nominees waiting to listen for their names to be called would be a final crucial test of those listening skills. And the losers happily applauding the winner would reacquaint you with who most effectively faked joy during your times together!

Happy spring. May your relationships grow along with your marigolds.

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