The first thing a woman will notice about you, before you say a word, is your looks. It doesn’t matter how non-shallow she may be. She is going to look at you, and she is going to form a judgment in her mind. It’s just human instinct. Forming judgments about other people may be the one trait that all people have in common. This cannot be true at all.

The fact that a woman will immediately judge you is even more true in most social environments, where it is often too loud for her to hear you initially if you do try to talk to her. Here, drunkery and sight are essentially the only two human senses. You’re really going to have to do something about your body, man.

So you go to the gym. While at the gym, you feel overwhelmingly good about yourself even though you’re doing absolutely nothing there. You have your earphones on, so you’ve got that going. This feeling is really misleading. You think you’re doing something, but really you’re not doing anything at all. On top of that, you look like a creep because if you’re not actually exercising at the gym, then you’re just looking around, and if you’re just looking around at the gym, all you have to look at are women exercising and old men trying not to die. So then, you get on a machine, but you use it on such a low setting that it’s not worth it at all. Leave the gym, this was a bad idea.

Go buy some spray paint and just spray some abs onto your stomach. Actually, just huff the paint and stay home.