Dear Gems from Jen,

I met a guy on JDate a few months ago. He is nearly 50 and never married. His profile said that he wanted to have kids.

I have kids and don’t want more. I asked him if he wants kids and he said he didn’t know. Well, as we got more intimate, I asked where the relationship was going. He asked if we need to put a label on it. I told him I was looking for a monogamous relationship. Then he said he thinks he wants kids, so I said I couldn’t date him since it is past my time to have them.  He said okay and we stopped seeing each other. Well, he called and we ended up seeing each other again. I don’t know what to make of this. We get along so well. I don’t know if I should go along with it and see what happens or just stop.

Dear He Wants Kids,

It sounds as if you are both sending one another mixed messages. It seems as if he is unsure about what it is he wants and the same goes for you. You know there is no possibility of having more children and it isn’t something you want.  However, you have chosen to date this man even though you know the two of you are on different pages. How did you feel when he said he didn’t want to put a label on the relationship? You want monogamy; he doesn’t. He appears to want more children; you don’t.

I understand how exciting it can be when two people really hit it off, but this relationship seems as if there are two people who want very different things. If you are willing to have a casual fling with this guy then go for it.  However, if monogamy is what you want, I invite you to take a step back and look at what it is you are sacrificing because you are getting along well with someone. Keep in mind also that his desire for children will in all likelihood outweigh this relationship. Unless the two of you are both willing to give up your own wants and needs this particular match seems unlikely to have any longevity.


Gems from Jen