Dear Gems from Jen,
I met a great guy on JDate®…I enjoyed our meeting, such an interesting bright guy … Cute smile… Pleasant to be around… The problem is: He was dumped by his, “beautiful, tall, Victoria’s Secret model”,(as he describes her) wife, just a few month ago after 25 years of marriage. She went back with someone she was in love with when she was 18…(She is 50 now).
Communication is very important to me. I am glad he is so open about his thoughts and feelings. However, every conversation revolves around his ex-wife.
When we met I asked him if he had moved- on and was ready to meet and start a new relationship, he said : “Yes!” I feel he is still consumed with pain, and hasn’t moved on.
He is not letting me into his life, but yet, he keeps calling me, and I am very happy about that. I am not sure what I should do… or how to deal with his “loss”…Is there anything I should, or could say…? If yes, how and what? Should I just be a friend and “be there for him”…Or should I move on..?
D.
 
Dear D.,
 
I’m glad to hear communication is very important to you. My question to you is; what does his communication tell you? He might have said he is ready to move on, but after reading your statements I am left to wonder. Do you believe he has moved on? Twenty-five years of marriage is a very long time to be married and moving on is difficult, especially if he was not the one to end the marriage. Moving on is going to be a very long and intense process for this guy. If every conversation revolves around his ex-wife what is he really saying to you? Do you want to earnestly be friends with this guy, or are you just biding your time waiting for him to recover from his lost marriage?
 
If you have just recently met then my suggestion would be to move on. It seems quite obvious to me he is not ready to delve into something meaningful with anyone. If you are sticking this out because you genuinely care for this person and sincerely just want to be a friend then go for it. But, if his phone calls are making you happy because you believe there is a glimmer of hope for a true romance then it is time to cut your losses and find someone who is not pining away for another woman.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen