Dear Tamar,

I went on two pretty good dates with a guy from JDate last week, and sent him a text wishing him a Happy Sukkot and a good week on Monday. Now it’s Tuesday and I haven’t heard back.

What do I do?



Dear Waiting,

Well… I have two responses you probably don’t want to hear.

The first answer is that you shouldn’t have texted to begin with, even though you had really sweet intent. But, we can’t go back and undo the past. It’s too early to be communicating via text since you don’t know each other well enough. Stick to short phone calls that are primarily for making plans. Only after at least half a dozen dates consistently for a few weeks should you begin texting. Exceptions are to let your date know you arrived home safely and thanking them again for a nice evening.

The second answer is that if he hasn’t texted you back by now, then chances are you may not ever hear from him again. Is it anything you did? No. Was it the text? No. This guy just wasn’t as into you as you were into him. It sucks. There is a chance that he saw it, couldn’t reply at that exact moment, and then forgot. But, the hope is that a guy who likes you will have thought about you at some point since then and recalled that you sent him a text. Waiting a full day if not longer to reply is not playing hard to get; it’s just being a jerk. Move on.

Now, is there a chance that he could call this week and ask you out again? Sure. It is a bit egocentric of us to believe that people’s lives should revolve around replying to texts with someone we’ve met twice, but then again, if you like someone then you would reply in an acceptable amount of time. If you’re playing hard to get then maybe you wait an hour… but a day? No. We are on some sort of electronic device far too often to have any other excuse aside from the person simply not being a priority.

Alas, it’s been two dates and one day since the text so all is not lost. If you choose to accept the date, then don’t even mention the text – the last thing a new dater wants is someone who overreacts to such things.


For solutions to any dating dilemma, submit your questions to Dear Tamar online.


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