I’ve been hearing from a lot of from women, lately, about their disappointment with the men in their lives. It saddens me that in 2012, so many women have minimal respect for men. Men aren’t totally at fault, though. Mothers often teach their sons to be good boys but not good partners, and women too often talk themselves into tolerating unacceptable behavior from men, resulting in feelings of frustration and resentment.
How women can become more empowered in their relationships is another whole discussion. For men, however, here are six simple things that they can do to garner a lot more respect from women:
The first is: Pay attention. Listen to what a woman is saying to you. If you’re not sure what she means, ask. She’s sharing her deepest needs and feelings with you, and your response matters. It also helps to notice and compliment her new haircut or her most recent accomplishment, as these things help her feel seen and validated. One notable exception is being too focused on her weight, even in a positive way.
The second is: Follow through. Do what you said you were going to do, when you said you’d do it. If you promised to call “at the end of the weekend,” that doesn’t mean Tuesday morning. If you said you’d take care of certain chores, do them in a timely manner. Every time you procrastinate to the point of forcing a woman to nag you, she’ll respect you a little bit less. On the other hand, each demonstration of integrity and consistency increases her esteem for you.
The third is: Love her inner beauty (at least) as much as her appearance. She wants to know that aside from finding her attractive, you value her intelligence, warm heart, good character and particular talents. She’ll lose respect for you if she starts to feel that you value her looks over who she really is.
The fourth is: Go easy on the boyish charm. A grown woman wants an equal partner, not a little boy. If you’re irresponsible or impulsive; if you whine, wheedle or sulk; if you’re passive-aggressive or just plain passive, you’re going to lose respect. Your mother may have spoiled you rotten, but it’s time to show the woman in your life that you’re capable of being a grown man.
The fifth is: Help out at home. The way to a man’s heart may be his stomach, but the way to a woman’s heart could very well be the vacuum cleaner or the washing machine. If you want to be respected, show the woman in your life some respect by participating equally in the household tasks.
The sixth is: Be kind to her loved ones. You can shower the woman in your life with love and affection, but if you’re rude to the people (and animals) who matter most to her, she’ll lose respect for you. A woman is a package deal. You don’t have to love her friends, family or pets, but you have to treat them properly.
A woman might love and desire you, but if you want to make her happy and bring out the very best in her, get going on this list and start to earn more of her respect.
Dr. Marcia, I really loved your approach.
Nowadays, men seem to take dating very lightly, not caring how their behaviour might affect a woman who really wants a relationship.
I try not to be offended by the same guys taking my phone number again & again & never calling, schedualing a date & never showing up.
I found myself giving a second chance to a guy who cancelled at the very last minute & reschedualed, only to stand me up yet again, not even bothering to do it in advance, since he probably thought I have nothing to do but sit around & wait for him. I have been in situations where I would dress up, do my hair & make up & wait for the guy after he confirmed earlier we would meet that evening, only to get a text the next day: “Sorry! I fell asleep”.
All of those experiences teach me:
If he doesn’t go out of his way to call or meet with you ASAP, if he has no respect for the time you chose to dedicate to him, he’s not into it. And no second chances are to be given. If it’s not there for him IN THE FIRST PLACE, it never will be.
Thank you Dr.
We need a lot more articles like this.
It’s not all about giving men easy intimacy and affection without any expression of love and commitment. It’s not about focusing him and on whatever he wants at the expense of your dignity and your self-respect.
It’s about mutual respect and appreciation for one another as people and as souls.
Love and intimacy require reciprocity on all levels.
The very fact that this article assumes men should equally care what women think and should equally value the opinions and the personal dignity of the woman is somewhat radical for some.
And that’s exactly why we need this article and others like it. To bring some balance and perspective, and move things back to center.