There is certainly a stereotype surrounding Jewish mothers. While, of course, this stereotype is not always true, sometimes it does hold up, especially when it comes to Jewish mothers and their sons. For many Jewish women, it can seem like their significant other’s mom has not gotten the memo that their son is an adult and no longer attached by the umbilical cord.
So, why is it that some mothers don’t want to see their son growing up, loving another woman and not needing them anymore for every decision they make?
Moving On … Without Mom
The old saying goes like this: “A daughter is a daughter for life; a son is a son until he takes a wife.” While many moms may have resigned themselves to this possibility, it seems like some Jewish moms just aren’t prepared (or willing) to accept it.
I think what it might come down to is that when you, as a mother, have a daughter, that daughter will always be your girl. Even when she starts dating, gets married and has kids of her own, the mother-daughter bond is typically a special one that spans a lifetime. However, when your son starts dating, then eventually gets engaged and married, he has to put his significant other in the #1 spot in his life. His mom might no longer be his priority, and this can be hard for a mother to accept.
Once the mother starts to see this happening, it can be a major adjustment in her life, especially if she was used to her son calling her daily or whenever he was about to make any decision. Now, this boy calls his girlfriend/fiancée/wife for help instead of his mom. She might start to wonder where the heck did the time go and how did her son grow up so fast. She might start to feel unneeded, which is a difficult thing to accept.
Time To Grow Up
This situation can go both ways, too. Jewish sons often seem a little more attached to Mom than some other guys out there. If they’ve had the kind of Jewish mother who likes to dote on them and have a hand in all their decisions, your guy might need that gentle nudge to be a bit more independent. Relying on Mom for everything isn’t the adult thing to do, and the last thing you want is to simply slide into the role of caretaker rather than girlfriend or wife.
Look for a guy who’s grown up enough to handle things on his own, or who at least wants to cut some of those overly dependent ties. Remind him that his mom did a great job raising him, and that’s why he’s capable of taking care of things without her constant input.
While it can be rough, at first, for the mom to accept and understand her new role in her son’s life, it’s also important for her to respect boundaries. If you’re dating, engaged to or married to a former momma’s boy, it might take a little compromise to find that balance you need. While you might be the new #1 woman in his life, he still needs to make time for his mom and make sure she knows just how much he cherishes her.
Moms are the best, and they’ll always be a special part of a son’s life, but just in a slightly different way. And as long as the son breaks the cord and lives as the adult he is, it shouldn’t be a problem in your relationship. At the end of the day, respect is of utmost importance in this situation. While mothers should always respect their son’s wishes and their son’s significant other, you, as the significant other, must always respect his mom, too.
You may also be interested in 5 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Ready To Meet Your Jewish Mother