The elusive Homing Pigeon is a man who reeks of wanting to get married. He can be spotted from a mile away. A light bulb goes off in a man’s mind when he wants to find a wife, and he morphs into a Homing Pigeon. He might suddenly wake up one morning and realize that all of his friends are married, everything is about couples, and he asks if you’d be alright settling in Scarsdale.

The Homing Pigeon is your perfect catch if you’re looking for a serious relationship, and you don’t want to waste months or years of your youth and beauty on a man who is looking to play around. Here are some of my best secrets to spot a Homing Pigeon in disguise that aren’t as obvious or as desperate-sounding, so you can rest assured your man is on the baby track.

1.  Has siblings who are married:  A man whose younger sibling is married is especially likely to be a Homing Pigeon.  When a man has a younger sibling who is married, the man probably feels a lot of pressure to get married himself.  When a man has a twin sibling with children…then the heat is really on!

2.  Owns a house/condo: “If you build it, [s]he will come.”  These wise words inspire many men looking for a wife.   The thought process behind buying is that well, I have the house, I just need a girl to put in it.

3.   Lives in the suburbs: Since when do playboys live in the suburbs?  Unless they’re living with their parents, they’re not the party-type and are most likely not hanging out at the clubs on Saturday nights.  In the suburbs, he is surrounded by families, and he’ll wind up with some (good) ideas in his head.

4.  Has his career together: Men generally go wife-hunting once their financial life is in order.  This primarily means they’re done with school and have a steady income.  A man finished with grad school or pursuing a part-time program are especially good targets.

5.  Talks about his nieces/nephews:  He says how much he loves playing with them and all the gifts he brings them (hopefully that money will be spent on you someday).

6.   Plans/pays for dates:  Need I say more?  If he’s just calling you Saturday night last-minute to grab a drink and maybe get lucky, he’s not looking for a wife, he’s looking for a hooker.  Or else you’re the girl he hooks up with two hours after he had dinner with the girl whom he actually sees a future with.

7.  Presses to be exclusive within a month:  The Homing Pigeon is not gonna play around if he sees a potential future with you.  It will be either very obvious that it’s an exclusive relationship or else he will bring it up.  Another sign he’s a Homing Pigeon is that he will get annoyed or scared if you are not openly willing to talk about the future.  Just don’t f*ck this up…we’ve got a live one here!

These are just my first seven tips to distinguish a Homing Pigeon from the rest of the flock of pigeons nipping at your heels.  Stay tuned for clues 8-14 to spot the elusive Homing Pigeon in my next article coming in January.


Ms. Avi is author of the dating guide for Jewish women Secrets of Shiksa Appeal: Eight Steps to Attract Your Shul-Mate. Find out more and like her page on Facebook at Secrets of Shiksa Appeal. Available on in soft/hardcover and Kindle.
  1. Well, I guess that’s what I am then…look forward to reading part-II. What about, introduces you to friends/family?

  2. are you serious? First of all, marriage track and baby track are not necessarily exclusive and the latter should not be assumed. do you really want someone who is “feeling pressured to get married?” don’t know where you live but plenty of playboys/partiers live in the DC-metropolitan suburbs, if for no other reason(s)than job and getting more house for your money.

    i realize there are shades of grey for everything but these steps are such generalizations.

  3. This advice is not 100% true. My ex-boyfriend fit that description perfectly. We dated exclusively and saw each other constantly for 8 months, but then he didn’t want to even think about getting engaged because he finally said, “I’m afraid women change after marriage.” I decided to move on.

  4. Michelle,
    Obviously this was not the right man for you. The point of the article is not to jump on every Homing Pigeon, but just to be aware that mature men date for marriage as opposed to just playing around.


  5. Ye, we have to watch the generalizations here. Among my “Motivated” male clients – age does make a difference as well as temperment. One guy in his 50’s took 2 years with his girlfriend. I had one male friend at 38 who met his wife and knew she was the one. He almost scared her off. I do suggest timeframes depending on your age. I am not one for rushing into a relationship (do you know the stages of romantic love? Beware the first 3 months to six months of the fantasy time! Then comes reality of who we are as individuals) I was engaged in six months and married withing the year at 42. We spent a whole year together – met each other’s family and friends (good point from a comment above) and talked about having a family after a month of dating. (at 41 you can’t beat around the bush!). Today, women may not be as marriage minded- so the guys are having problems finding women who are. If you are interested in taking my quiz, “are you motivated to marry?” visit my Motivated to Marry website- Coach Amy Schoen.

  6. I’m with Beth! You do not want someone who wants to get married because they are ready right now or they are feeling pressured. You want someone who meets you and realizes they can’t live a day without you! The type of man you describe is looking for a wife so he can check the box now that he is ready to fit her in to his already established life and will marry almost anyone willing to settle down that fits certain criteria- making for a relationship of convenience. He is not looking for a life partner for lifes’s awesonme journey! Guess it depends what one is looking for! To each his own! Mazal Tov!

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