Dear Gems from Jen,
I’m a 25-year-old woman who can’t seem to get a date. I don’t want to say I’m a gorgeous girl, but I’m really not bad looking. Guys I meet are amazed that “a beautiful girl like me should never be single.” But unfortunately, I am. My problem is this, I always have a “back up” if you know what I mean. I meet a great guy that all my friends and family like, but I never see him that way. I see him as “cool my family likes him, so what?” and then I run to my backup. Is there something wrong me? Will I never meet anyone? Will I always have backups and never the real thing?
Dear Back Up,
Do you really want the real thing? My guess is if you really sat down and thought about this question your answer would be no. Having a backup makes you unavailable, whether the new guy knows about your backup or not. You know there is someone waiting in the wings so this automatically makes you not so single.
Try this; decide what it is you really want. If it is a casual fling then by all means keep your backup. If it is a committed relationship, let your backup go and truly make yourself available. Once you make the decision for yourself you will find the answer to your dilemma.
Gems from Jen