Dear Matchmaker Rabbi:
I am a good looking, funny, 38-year-old Jewish man. I am on disability due to my fine motor issues, my spatial reasoning, multitasking and short-term memory. My attention to detail is also impaired. I get a Social Security check that, along with family money, has been getting by. The most beneficial thing about being on disability is the free Medicare and Medicaid it provides.
My question is that this situation has made Jewish women rule me out when they find out. The few Jewish women in my situation are not intelligent at all. I have a college degree and these women do not have the ability to keep up with me intellectually. Besides, I cannot actually even recall a Jewish woman on federal disability, or who is unable to work, even agreeing to a date with me.
Is there hope of finding a Jewish woman? Is it anything but a slim hope? I have no career ambition.
–Hapless and Almost Hopeless
Dear Almost Hopeless:
I think the question you should be asking is not whether an intelligent Jewish woman would agree to a date, but whether any intelligent woman would agree to a date. Would you agree to a date with you? If your answer to that is “yes” then, sure, I think there is hope. You just have to find the right person. If your answer is “probably not,” then you might think about what you can do to improve yourself and your life which, by the way, are great questions for any person to ask of themselves.
You are right that having financial stability and resources is an attractive quality in a potential partner, and by not having those things, you are at a disadvantage. But teachers, social workers and other low-paid folks find love and happily marry every day, so it is clear proof that a great many people look beyond a person’s paycheck.
The fact you say you have no career ambition, though, makes me wonder what it is you can offer a romantic partner. To not have ambition for money is one thing. But to have no ambition at all suggests you don’t have hobbies or charitable causes that inspire and motivate you; that you aren’t really passionate about anything and that apathy might prevent you from doing the thousands of small niceties that are the heart and soul of a love relationship.
Medicaid may be free, but there are no freebies in love. Only good old-fashioned hard work.
—The Matchmaker Rabbi
Joysa Winter, aka The Matchmaker Rabbi, knows all about how hard it is to find lasting love. It took her 17 years to find Mr. Not Wrong! In that time, she tried just about every singles site, dating club and Matzah Ball known to humanity. Now in her fourth year of rabbinical school and the mother of 1.5 kids, nothing brings her greater joy than officiating a wedding. She is finishing a book on her dating adventures called Chasing Cupid, Tales of Dating Disaster in Jewish Suburbia. You can follow her on Twitter at @wanderinghebrew.