Passover is a joyful holiday with friends and family at the Seder table, but it’s also one of serious food restrictions, which might just cause someone to jump ship. There is nothing more satisfying than that first post-Passover meal (besides of course, breaking the fast at Yom Kippur). So if you’re a gentile who doesn’t know how to address the delicate Jewish stomach sensibility during Passover, use this simple guide to treat your Jewish friends and loved ones with kindness. Thanks in advance!

1. “Loving My Cadbury Egg Right Now”
This year, Jewish people lucked out in that Easter is far away from Passover. In general, though, the two holidays sit next to each other, which would be fine if it weren’t for the damn Cadbury eggs. For some reason, people just love to post Cadbury egg selfies. And when it comes to Easter baskets, it seems like they’ve gotten more bountiful than ever – think Peeps, huge chocolate rabbits and colorful jellybeans galore. Meanwhile, Jews think, “G-d damnit, none of those treats are kosher for Passover.”

My father, with his delightful sweet tooth, bought chocolate lollipops that were kosher for Passover each year for us kids. But truthfully, he bought them for himself. I might have eaten a whole box one year in a fit of envy after seeing one too many of my friends’ lovely Easter baskets.

2. “Matzos Seem Like Such A Boring Food Item.”
Don’t we know it. Although I am a huge matzo fan and I actually look forward to enjoying it with butter each year. The reality, however, is that most people are not like me. After a while, even the best matzos around in all their glorious flavors simply cannot suffice. No matter how many varieties are available, it’s still matzo.

To sound like a completely cantankerous old person, young people today don’t know what it’s like. I had two choices of matzos as a kid: plain and egg. There were no such things as herbs and spices, sun-dried tomato, etc.

3. “Just Enjoying A Nice Bowl Of Pasta”
Did you have to go there? You might just be defriended on Facebook for this one. In case you didn’t know, pasta (along with most other breads and pastries) are prohibited during Passover. You have no idea how nice a huge plate of pasta sounds after no bread for days.

4. “Is There A Bunny Or Jewish-Themed Character For Passover?”
We Jews like our holidays to be educational and, of course, combined with a little suffering from time to time. We don’t have time for a “Passover Patty” to bring kosher treats for all the good boys and girls. We do, however, have time for a round of “Hide the Matzo!”

5. “At Least There’s Wine!”
Technically, the fifth cup is for Elijah, but who are we kidding? That Manischewitz wine is mostly for us! But to be honest, this isn’t exactly our favorite thing to hear right before the seder. The haggadah is no joke, kids.

Even if Easter isn’t coinciding with Passover this year, it’s best to keep these phrases out of your mouth and off social media to make sure you don’t annoy your Jewish pals near Passover.

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