Let’s face it: online dating takes some of the mystery out of the first date. You’ve already revealed some key info in your profile, so your date already has an idea of what you’re into before you meet. So how can you keep the mystery alive? Use these tips for a scintillating first date that leaves room for sparks to fly.

Keep Something To Share Later

Less is more in so many ways when it comes to dating. It keeps the mystery alive and it both keeps your guard up while simultaneously keeps you wanting more. Revealing less information about yourself, spending less time communicating before a date, posting less photos, and so on are important ways to set the tone. Keeping some things to yourself and leaving something to open up about at a later time is a healthy mindset.

I have always said to limit your correspondence before a date. A ten minute phone call to make plans is enough. The information you learned from someone’s JDate profile is what you would normally talk about on a first date, which is why I recommend waiting until you meet to start up a deeper conversation. Talking too much too soon before a first date can build up unrealistic expectations and will only set you up for disappointment.

Leave Your Baggage At The Door

Your life is not an open book just because you’re on a date. You’re not obligated to share any information. That said, don’t avoid answering questions or you’ll look like you’re hiding something. It’s your truth and you should be proud of it now matter how crazy or how boring it is, but it’s when and how you divulge it that makes the difference in how it’s digested. Here are just a few examples:

  • You’re divorced? No problem, you can mention that without going into detail about court proceedings.
  • You have kids? Awesome, you can state that without explaining your complex custody schedules or single parent woes.
  • You’re a widow? There’s no need to hide it, but you also don’t need to go into detail about how your loved one died on the first date.
  • You’ve never been married at 45? Talk about other cool things you’ve accomplished in that time.

Basically, remember that although you are, in essence, selling yourself, it doesn’t mean you need to share everything right away. It’s nice to be an open book, but only reveal the first paragraph of every chapter and not the content (using this metaphor, the conclusion has yet to be written!). Wait until you’re dating someone and in a relationship before exposing all the skeletons in your closet – even if they are positive, attractive bones.

Have you ever dated someone who revealed too much on a first date? 

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